Disliking people. It works that way too. After a while you start to realise that you don't dislike them anymore but it was more of you being used to it. Habits are hard to change. They stay there for a pretty long time. You don't notice them but they exist.
I feel like I've lost sight of what I really want to do. I'm not putting enough effort in achieving things I really want for myself. I keep living in the constant stage of regret then forgetting that I ever made that mistake and encountered that setback. That really sucks because I'm not moving on whereas everyone around is just moving on, accepting what they have done wrong and improving themselves. Motivation isn't easy either. It's just that sudden boost of determination and after that I just forget. Just like how sugar rushes work. A moment of hyper ness and happiness and then poof it's just over. If only... Such moments of motivation can last longer. My whole life maybe. Then I'll turn out to be a better person. A person that actually achieves something and is proud of it. Not a pathetic person that lives in all that denial like no I did well it was other factors that caused this failure. No no it was never my fault in the first place. Until reality slaps you in the face. Everything becomes clearer in those few seconds where your face is still stinging from that slap.
Expectations. I feel like ripping that word into a million pieces then scattering it into a volcano with like hot lava boiling. I feel like taking every dictionary in the world and blanko-ing that word. I wish it didn't exist. All that expectations. The bane of my life. Everyone around me is telling me well you're smart so you should be able to do well. And they expect me to do well. But no. Apparently it was all an illusion. I am in fact stupider than an average human being and the only mission in my life is to live happily forever after. I wish.
But then I realise I can't complain. Putting expectations upon others. It's human nature I guess. And that causes disappointment. So much disappointment... it's like carrying the heavy burden of expectation and walking on the glass shards of life, barefooted.
Then again I am thankful for the little happy things in life.
Infinite is out with a new teaser and block b is out with their new song. Well at least they took my mind off being frustrated. Every post needs a mention of either one of them. At least my day is brightened.
Well I shall go sleep. Really tired these few days cos I keep going to work and work and more work. I have a strong feeling that I'll be a workaholic in future, seriously.
It's 3 days to my birthday. And I'm working on that day! *Laughs sarcastically*
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