Sigh at the downhill sliding of my grades.
I feel like I tried my utmost best already.
Especially for projects.
My hard work isn't paying off.

I guess I need to work harder.

I realised I haven't been feeling very happy or positive since the semester started.
Things aren't going well.
The insomnia is coming back.
I hope things turn for the better

Still so many projects left. ):

Horrible

Deleting all of this frustration.
My insides feel like they are self destructing and I feel like puking.
All the coffee is just making my insides hurt more.
Its like keeping me alive artificially.
Guess what I might not actually be awake.
I need to hang on.
After all a few more hours and I'll be free.

*Laughs sarcastically at myself*
I chose this.
I chose the hard way.

Why is the report lacking in so many areas. I really have no idea where to start from. Tried my best to clear up the messy formatting and wording. It still looks barely completed and I think I'm going to stay awake the whole of tmr since I have CCA till like 10pm and god knows how I'm gonna end up like on Wednesday morning. I'm probably going to get scolded by my doctor for not cherishing my health but what can I do? Grades are equally as important and I cannot understand how people treat grades so lightly.
Whatever we do we must try our best in right? Haven't anyone told you how important that is? Trying your best?
Well, I guess not.

This is why I really dislike projects. Especially so if you feel like the only one fighting for an A and the rest are laid back just waiting. Waiting for an A to drop from the sky. I hate how I'm really so done with every single shit but I cant flip on the group and just go to sleep no matter how tired I am.

Its a battle I'm fighting alone.

Devoid

Its like dark clouds are above me.

The path is clouded and shrouded in darkness.

The flashlight I tried so desperately to hold onto.

Its losing its light.

Emotions are useless.

We should never feel a thing.

Home

When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions are dirty , my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, 
I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home – leave me alone
Just don’t come in here

Hyundai: Brand Music Video "brilliant is"

Brilliant Is

Like a complicated problem or a tangled thread

It wasn’t solved as I wanted it to be

Grabbed by the collar by this bully like reality

I was pressured to give up

But failures open up other possibilities

Remember how to stand up straight

Don’t give up so raise it up

Have courage, hope is near, love

Officially Sick Day 2

Is there any form of flu instant relief?

Flu is so horrible. Being sick is so horrible.

Having bad immunity is the worst.

Getting dizzy because of the lack of air and my head is hurting.

My gum and lymph glands are swollen and I suspect its Perocoronitis. ):

I'm just not gonna work tomorrow too. 

So damn tired though I really didn't do much today.

Basically I was sitting around in school rushing projects with the Criminal Law group.

Truthfully we were only seriously doing work for like 2 or 3 hours and the rest of the time we digressed ALOT. 

Hah well but that was okay too since we're kind of close to completion once I finish my part and do some editing of the grammar and stuff.

I'm thinking whether I have time to watch a horror movie before I sleep. Okay I'm weird but when I'm sick I like to hide under my blanket and watch horror movies. When watching horror movies, your heart starts to beat faster and you actually have better blood circulation so I get well earlier. Hmmm but now I have loads of things I have to rush out. UGHHHH PROJECTS... T.T and I need to study for my minutes for meeting assessment on Monday. Really worried my bad hearing cos of my flu would affect my listening of the details of the meeting ):

Sigh I'm so tired now I think I will just lay on my bed.

Officially Sick Day 1

Although I was sick today and felt pretty damned horrible in school, it was a pretty alright day :)

Guest lecture in the morning was so amusing. (And I thought I would have slept through the whole thing since I was so tired.) Next was my Lcomm assessment which went pretty okay apart from the fact that my nose suddenly clogged up during the test and I rushed to the toilet to blow my nose so I wouldn't affect the others taking the test. Basically wasted 2 minutes of my time blowing my nose but oh well, I couldn't help it. We had a lunch break and I felt so cheated >: Paid $4.70 for Nacho Pork Chops and Carbonara which totally did not meet the amount I expected it to be. Sigh but life is like that so I ate and appreciated that at least there was food on the table. (Kind of thankful for the little amount too cos my ulcer hurt like hell when I ate and after the first bite I felt like I lost my appetitite. ): ) Sociology lesson was actually pretty fun too cos we had consultation today and basically slacked a lot. My Sociology group is a really fun lot so we had lots of laughs while walking to the library and getting our papers photocopied. It was really nice because it felt we had become a lot closer compared to our previous group discussions in class. #GAYYYYBUTYAY

Lesson ended a lot earlier and I went to look for Joey while she was rushing her CDS project with her friend. Hillz and Beiz joined us thereafter :D Went for dinner with Beiz (LOL always dinner-ing with this Bimbz) and gatecrashed her Italian lecture. I was pretty lost cos the teacher was talking about Roman Soldiers and Gladiators and Rome and there were loads of Italian words. Thank god I wasn't in that CDS cos Roman Soldiers aren't my kind of thing. 

Well I'm still very stressed now I need to find a way for me to calm down. I think I must have been crazy putting so much work schedule cos my manager was forcing it on me cos I had a payrise. I have so much work to do and I'm even sick so I seriously wonder how am I going to cope next week or maybe even the following days. Tomorrow is officially project day and hopefully we are going to be EXTREMELY PRODUCTIVE so some stress can be taken off my shoulders. 

Yay for pleasant surprises cos that surprise really made me forget my stress for like 5 seconds and I felt my day was complete. :> Shit now I feel stupid grinning to myself like an idiot.

Wow okay this must be fated I'm sure of it. To think I didn't even notice. 

Random

This is so weird I went to look at my traffic sources and apparently I get 57 views from South Korea.
I wonder if the people that see this even understand what I am writing.
Oh yeah maybe because I post lyrics hahaha.
The internet is such a fascinating place.

Go Away

Never knew I could feel this amount of stress ever.
I'm sick already I can feel my nose blocking up.

Why do this to me.

W
H
Y

Juggling so many projects and everyone wants to appoint me as the group leader. The thing about group leaders is that they have to CARE. If the group doesn't care, they are the ones that have to get shit done. I'm so tired of caring cos my schedule is overwhelming and maybe my standards are set too high but I seem to never be satisfied with work people give me. I redo and edit loads of things because sometimes people don't listen in class and give me something I totally don't comprehend... Might as well I do it myself??!! If I have one more project I swear I can just collapse and die. Its always during such project periods I fall sick and basically rush projects while I feel like dying inside cos I just hurt everywhere. Feeling super horrible now I think I will sleep now which is my earliest since quite a while. Its close to 1am so its not that early either...

Sigh. Its the dark period of time before project submissions just that this time I'm more or less rushing most things by myself because certain people just wait and wait and expect work to get done by itself.

Not a great day

Wow great. Wore sandals like in such a long time and apparently I got cut by this shard of metal. I didn't even notice my leg bleeding until I saw this blood smear on the floor. UGHHH. My poor feet suffered recently. At work, I accidentally spilled hot water and some of it got on my shoes so I SCALDED MY FEET. Luck hasn't been on my side recently.

As always, I'm tired. I think this is a really bad thing cos currently I don't even sleep 3 hours a day and I actually feel fine but my head isn't thinking and my senses are actually half functioning. Coffee has become my water and I need to drink some everyday so I won't faint from fatigue. There are times when I hallucinate and some times when my vision blurs for no reason. It is really scary and like apparently you can die from sleeping too little so I'm trying my best to make sure that I sleep at least 15 minutes more everyday until I reach the healthy sleep hours of at least 7 hours.

I haven't even set out my resolutions for the year. #fail
Too burdened by projects/schoolwork/work/shit
I need to buck up and get started with studying cos I think 1 month is a long time before my finals and apparently it is not so.

):

这真的不容易

好累。

Habits are hard to shake off

I'm so creepy.

Stop.

I need to stop. 

But maybe I don't want to.

Feeling a bit weird the whole week.

Maybe it's not a bit weird but super weird.

I guess it's a lack of sleep.

Criminal law meeting tmr T.T Sobs cos our report is still far from perfect and time is running out. 

Sorry for having to listen to me freak out over the little time I have left.

---

Remember December 12, 2012? 

When you told yourself that by the end of this year, you were going to have it all figured out? 

That by the end of this year you were going to be completely without a doubt and your path was gonna be clear and your future was gonna be easy and love was gonna be near and your back was gonna be breezy, from the wind at it? 

Do you remember that?

Me neither. 

So come on from all that. 

After all, it’s gonna be 2014.

Like an explosion of possibility.
Like a reborn reality.
Like a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, two-thousand, fourteenth chance.
God damn.

RANTS AND WHAT-NOT

Feeling like a piece of shit now cos its like nobody seems to be caring about projects and I'm the one initiating meetups and compiling everything. It doesn't sound very bad but its not easy. So freaking tired I haven't slept well in ages worrying about every single shit in the world. I don't have time to go on skype and participate in the monthly h2h talks and I am sad ):

Actually I am exaggerating but well yeah I'm feeling horrible now I need to rant. People are helping me and my group members are actually really nice because they are cooperative and they do work and the work is actually of quality and not slipshot. Why did I even volunteer to compile stuff. Ahh but I should cos then i will be like satisfied with the work produced cos perfectionist. Sighhh.

Just opened a new tumblr so I can write my one-shots and blog shit without annoying people on my fanblog. Its not easy personalising a blog and looking for blog templates and putting nice widgets on it. Spent quite some time doing that and LESS TIME FOR HOMEWORK >:

Well yeah, received my microecons and T.T WHYYYYYYYYYYYY WHY DID I FORGET MY FORMULA. COST ME MY A. I know some of you are like hey at least you got higher than me but I guess this is something personal like its more about my own expectations of myself. There are loads of people in class that did well and honestly I don't feel like sad or anything cos I didn't do as well as them but more of like disappointed in myself for starting revision late and forgetting stuff I shouldn't be forgetting. I'm not that good in econs anyway so LOL. At least I did better than expected. Oh well but still sad cos I no A and no sticker ): (Ok I childish I want stickersss) Self comfort still the best. *Pats myself on the back*

I need to write down all my deadlines and set my new year resolutions so I don't screw up this year.

Sleeping like ASAP cos I have early CDS lecture tmr and sobssobs T.T

Armor

The scars in battle are evident on the shields and armor of triumphant knights.
These knights get all the fame, riches and honor for being "courageous in battle"
Without a care, they welcome their new life.
They forget how they got there.
Nobody remembers anyway.
Who remembers the measly role of the armor selflessly sacrificing its in battle.
Cynical knights in battered amour.
All that matters anyway is self-interest anyway.

The impenetrable suit lays forgotten when there is peace.
When war comes it is polished and regains its former glory.
Honeyed words lined with malice.
" I need you. Remember our previous endeavours?"
Those sickening words.
But when a better replacement is found...
Its an inevitable goodbye.

The cruel reality dawns.
Are you enlightened?
Or does it sting your eyes that were once clouded by dark lies?

Two-oh-one-four

It's 2014.

Frankly speaking i haven't made any new year resolution(s). Maybe all along I haven't been making any but well yeah maybe I've had just that I haven't taken the effort to take it down and put it up somewhere obvious. 

Last year I was pretty much crashing around blindly as I didn't even care about making any kind of goal I had to reach. Well I still had like 3 months before Poly started what do you expect? 

The year flashed past. SERIOUSLY IT DID. I am still living in last year I admit. It's a bit hard for me to accept I'm going to be year 2 in like maybe 3 or 4 months and changing classes T.T

Well to sum up last year...

I entered poly, made a bunch of awesome friends, met up with my other friends and well that's pretty much the highlight. My gpa wasn't something I exactly expected but probably something I deserved for slacking half my year away. And to all the people that look upon me as mugger. I don't even like the idea of studying. I just study because I feel that if I don't I would fail the expectations my parents have of me okay maybe just the expectations I have of myself. Maybe they don't have high expectations of me but ok I have high expectations of myself. Seriously sometimes I think my parents arent all about results I guess cos they are just like if you think you did well then yeah you did. But I realised I'm just never satisfied with my achievements so that's just causing extra stress to myself. They probably realised too. I rarely ever let my emotions control my actions but when it comes to expectations of myself and me not being up to standard. I get emotional and distant. I can just stone for the whole day thinking what the hell exactly went wrong. The answer is pretty obvious. I just didn't try hard enough. Every time. The answer is always the same. I guess my resolution has to be something to improve and change the effort I put in to do things. That's step one to my awesome resolutions for 2014.

I really hope this year would be better. I need a more positive mindset this year to positively influence the people around me. I'm putting down all the burdens all the sadness all the troubles I've experienced and all the negative feelings and starting afresh. I'm glad and grateful to everyone that had made such a positive impact on my life and I hope they continue to do so. I hope I am at least in the most minor way at least a positive impact on them too. 

4th year of being an Inspirit and 3rd year of being a BBC. Well they've brought me far too. Teaching me that hard work will ultimately lead to success and recognition. How I've gained so many tumblr friends I could talk to with similar interests and the amount of days just being on tumblr could change my bad mood to a good one. Hours of entertainment. Hours I spent laughing over one stupid gif. Priceless. I hope these last and I'll still have many years like this. NOT TO MENTION THE CONCERT I ABSOLUTELY AM GOING TO GO REGARDLESS WHATEVER. And preparing myself to spend more money on albums so at least I have something nice to put on my HIGHDEF speakers when I go overseas to study and feel like relaxing with coffee. (don't mind me daydreaming.) I guess Woolim and seven seasons is just going to get richer while I get poorer...

I've brought pretty awesome things and people and memories from 2013 into 2014. (Like ahem ahem argon ahem) <- Its a secret don't bother asking and only one other person knows so LOL not like anyone would be interested. Basically I wish all things good become better and all things bad just go away and mind their own little business. 

I've actually thought of listing down the names of everyone that I am grateful for the previous year but I'm worried about missing out on names so hmm better not HAHA not to mention its kinda awkward.

I'm kind of surprised how I even get like 1100+ views since last year on this weird blog like excuse me if you know me I'm actually pretty weird and not to mention, gay (not in that way). Well here's to all those people secretly (okay maybe openly) reading my blog and my stupid and vague and weird and raging and boring posts, thanks for sticking around! I most likely know who you are cos those reading probably do know me HAHAHA or maybe I don't know you hmmmmm. I don't even know who sticks around or if there is anyone that does that and yes I mean YOU. Thanks for at least reading till the end of this SUPER LONG post. If there isn't anyone that actually sticks around man this is really embarassing but okay forget it cos there are more embarassing things I've done and this pales in comparison.

Fairytales?

Chicken Little feared the sky was falling. She also feared that when people “liked” a photo she posted, they didn’t really like it. 

Sleeping Beauty was lying in bed checking Facebook from her phone, just feeling so completely alone in her depression. Then she came across a post from an acquaintance about how sad he was, it was a darkness that made him feel like nobody could ever understand how he felt. “Is there anyone else who feels this way?” he asked.

She felt a sense of relief wash over her, a little bit of joy, and thought, At least I’m not so sad I wrote about it on Facebook.

Credits to http://fairytalesfor20somethings.tumblr.com/

I want the Alice in Tumblrland book where do they sell it other than ebay because I have no idea how to make payment for stuff on ebay. >: