Because in the blurry mass of faces I only recognized yours
It was so brief but then at that moment when the world flashed past
I caught your gaze
It lingered for a while
But we missed the moment.
Oct 31, 2014
Sep 16, 2014
Never Early Forever Late
I wish i could say its too early to jump into conclusions.
I'm always a step too late.
Sep 1, 2014
Goodbye Motivation.
My brains are pretty much fried from studying.
My results still suck and i screwed up my accountings paper which means my only possibility of an A is gone.
Furthermore i have no idea how my contract grades are even THAT bad like wtf seriously. Like how can the whole cohort do so badly? Is the issue with the students or the teachers?
Having an open book paper as my last paper isnt making things optimistic for me as well since open book papers are generally more tough.
I thought working hard would mean better grades but apparently that isn't the case for this semester...
Aug 15, 2014
-
I want to grab this opportunity so badly.
So badly it haunts me in my sleep.
But I can't find the courage to do so.
What should I do?
I can feel it slipping away.
So badly it haunts me in my sleep.
But I can't find the courage to do so.
What should I do?
I can feel it slipping away.
Aug 9, 2014
Breaking the Silence
Feelings are painful but they are so wonderful to have.
I wonder if you treated everyone else like how you treated me?
I wonder if you treated everyone else like how you treated me?
Jul 15, 2014
>:
What a lazy day today.
I ate and slept more than usual.
I guess I got punished for pigging out today cos when I was eating scallops I bit on the sand from the scallop and 1 tooth got hurt >: Now I have 2 hurting teeth and honestly I feel like death.
I totally wasted the whole of today but at least today I could finally rest properly after a really long while. Its back to my normal routine tmr and I am not mentally prepared since I have CCA tmr and hopefully I get my B-flat dizi tmr lol although part of me doesn't want to get it cos that means I have to play and I will probably screw up.
Jul 11, 2014
Reflections
(Haven't blogged in a while. Since I've been feeling so shag and motivationless recently I shall reflect on my life and be grateful LOL.)
6 years ago I stepped into CCH and was awed by the size of the school. I never did regret going to CCH. Now its been 2 years since i've graduated and CCH is making progress and I am just really really proud. After O levels I thought to myself "Do I really want to leave this place?" And deep inside me I sure hoped CCH was an IP school. I guess we only cherish something after we've lost them.Especially the times when me and my friends would just walk around the lake and just take for granted that we had a freaking lake in our school. We would see the lake every day and its come to be so familiar to us that we even know of the stork that flies around the lake and always takes a dump at the flight of stars overseeing the lake and like how long it took to run 1 round around the lake. I miss those Fridays where the guides would just yell our lungs out and do so much punishments that I couldn't move at all when the muscle aches kicked in. Mondays when we had PSG and how everyone would just rush down to the concourse and me and my $1 otahs. Those were the days...
The previous time I went back to CCH for the alumni dinner I walked around the lake area and memories came flooding back. If only I could turn back time... I would work harder. i wouldn't have slept in those classes. I would probably in a JC.
I haven't exactly regretted my choice in being in a poly and sometimes I'm so thankful that at least I have a 4hr break and can slack off so much I feel like a useless human being while my JC friends are slogging their brains out studying. I would admit sometimes I do think why did I choose to go to a poly because those days where I spent chionging projects and not sleeping at all was really the worst. Furthermore I would probably be sick because I fall sick when I'm stressed. (Even though I don't feel that I'm stressed??)
I'm super thankful sometimes that I have great friends and they motivate me to study and work hard (Because without them my GPA will be like 1.0). I'm not the type of person that likes studying things I have no interest in so sometimes I really thank them for explaining things to me because I slept during lecture :/ (I'm that kid who sleeps through the most important parts of lectures and wakes up when the teacher gives everyone a toilet break -_-) I still rmb how I slept through my first CDS lecture because I had no friends to wake me up then I was so confused about everything when i woke up. Thank god I made CDS friends and I realised although i am socially awkward I can actually make new friends.
So there, although I haven't done anything much in the past 2 years, I can say that I am making progress and hopefully after another 1.5 years I will be holding the golden diploma cert and yelling "I MADE IT!"
6 years ago I stepped into CCH and was awed by the size of the school. I never did regret going to CCH. Now its been 2 years since i've graduated and CCH is making progress and I am just really really proud. After O levels I thought to myself "Do I really want to leave this place?" And deep inside me I sure hoped CCH was an IP school. I guess we only cherish something after we've lost them.Especially the times when me and my friends would just walk around the lake and just take for granted that we had a freaking lake in our school. We would see the lake every day and its come to be so familiar to us that we even know of the stork that flies around the lake and always takes a dump at the flight of stars overseeing the lake and like how long it took to run 1 round around the lake. I miss those Fridays where the guides would just yell our lungs out and do so much punishments that I couldn't move at all when the muscle aches kicked in. Mondays when we had PSG and how everyone would just rush down to the concourse and me and my $1 otahs. Those were the days...
The previous time I went back to CCH for the alumni dinner I walked around the lake area and memories came flooding back. If only I could turn back time... I would work harder. i wouldn't have slept in those classes. I would probably in a JC.
I haven't exactly regretted my choice in being in a poly and sometimes I'm so thankful that at least I have a 4hr break and can slack off so much I feel like a useless human being while my JC friends are slogging their brains out studying. I would admit sometimes I do think why did I choose to go to a poly because those days where I spent chionging projects and not sleeping at all was really the worst. Furthermore I would probably be sick because I fall sick when I'm stressed. (Even though I don't feel that I'm stressed??)
I'm super thankful sometimes that I have great friends and they motivate me to study and work hard (Because without them my GPA will be like 1.0). I'm not the type of person that likes studying things I have no interest in so sometimes I really thank them for explaining things to me because I slept during lecture :/ (I'm that kid who sleeps through the most important parts of lectures and wakes up when the teacher gives everyone a toilet break -_-) I still rmb how I slept through my first CDS lecture because I had no friends to wake me up then I was so confused about everything when i woke up. Thank god I made CDS friends and I realised although i am socially awkward I can actually make new friends.
So there, although I haven't done anything much in the past 2 years, I can say that I am making progress and hopefully after another 1.5 years I will be holding the golden diploma cert and yelling "I MADE IT!"
Jun 28, 2014
Flu bugs are such parasites
My immune system is so bad I probably spent like 50% of my life being down with like cough flu fever etc.
Ugh guess what. I'm officially sick again after I got well for like a week or so. Project deadlines are ruining my life. I'm not getting enough sleep. I think my body is really fatigued. Not to mention, work in 9 hoursss 😭
Can time please stop for a while for me to rest a little );
Jun 24, 2014
TFIOS (SPOILER ALERTTTT)
Well today I decided to go watch TFIOS and while I still have feels for the movie I shall blog about it. I heard it was really sad and all and loads of people cried watching so I figured I probably would too. Hmm but the movie did disappoint me a little (Not only because I didn't cry). After all, the book is always better than the movie since movies do have time constraints and etc. This movie followed the book pretty closely but I think that was its most major flaw (Ironically.). I mean like if I didn't read the book I would have been pretty clueless about what was happening and I would have been like what's up with the imperial affliction book they kept talking about and who the hell is the dutch tulip man and the whole movie would have felt incomplete if I hadn't read the actual book. I guess I did make the right choice of not finishing the book (I usually don't finish books) because I really dislike the thought of endings.The ending did surprise me a little as I was partly expecting Hazel Grace to die but alas! that wasn't the case. (Spoilerrrr) The movie felt like it didn't have a backbone to the whole plot since I felt it relied a little too much on the audience's knowledge by reading the book.
On a general note, I felt the characterisation of the book was excellent but the plot was a little lacking cos it felt incomplete (For the same reason why Hazel Grace liked A Imperial Affliction so much. The story was complete but it just ended so abruptly like what happened to Hazel Grace?? What happened to Isaac?? Did he get back with Monica?? So many unanswered questions...)
Now for some commentary on the characters.
Hazel Grace - I liked her character. Her personality was realistic. I think one of the most memorable parts about her parts in the movie would be her comparing herself to a grenade. I think that strikes a chord in a lot of terminally ill people. Shailene Woodley did a great job in portraying Hazel Grace I guess since I felt she plays similar roles as Beatrice Prior in Divergent with the strong independent type of character and portraying Hazel Grace as a sick but strong person would easily be the perfect role for her.
Augustus Waters - First impression of Gus when I watched the movie was errrrr creepy? The way he smiled at Hazel Grace was kinda creepy(?) Sorry Ansel Elgor, maybe toothy smiles would look less creepy. Other than that I felt weirded out because Ansel Elgort played the role of Caleb Prior in Divergent which means that he acted as Shailene's sibling so erm... you get it. Ok back to the movie. I liked how Gus was all metaphoric and all with the cigarettes and his obsession with metaphors fascinated me. The quotes that came out from the character Augustus Waters were all spun out beautifully. In fact, the book/movie has so many beautiful quotes I can't even decide on which one I like best. However, I would have to mention how terribly cheesy a character Gus was. I'm not into anything cheesy so those awkward scenes when he was like he said I love you probably 5 times straight made me squirm a little haha. Oh! There was this part when he was wearing the Rik Smits (Dutch basketballer) jersey and holding DUTCH tulips and he brought Hazel to the funky bones sculpture which is oh so coincidentally sculpted by a DUTCH artist. Gus commented about how the tomatoes weren't dutch but mexican. I laughed at that part but nobody laughed with me so I guess I have a weird sense of humour >: There are a lot of dutch references in the book/movie since everything is like co-related to Amsterdam, which is in The Netherlands.
Isaac - Comedy Relief! Isaac was such a funny character I bet he made a lot of people smile while they were crying. The actor didn't quite act like a blind person very well but his lines overshadowed that. A certain quote from this character made me tear up a little. "If a robot came from the future and gave me robot eyes, i would tell that robot to piss off because i don't want to see a world without Augustus Waters." I don't know why but that was so emotionally touching because the thought of leaving behind people who would think of you once in a while and not forget that you were once and always will be their best friend makes me happy in a sad way.
Peter Van Houten - Probably the portrayal of a realistic adult in society. A character that hides all of his kindness within, drains his sorrow with alcohol. A lot of people do that I guess. Augustus Waters did trigger some kindness within him and towards the end of the movie we do see that he is actually not that much of a douche because he offers to tell Hazel what happens in the end in A Imperial Affliction.
Wow there's really so much to the book/movie and so many inferences we can make. This is kind of exhausting and I'm kind of dozing off already. Even commentaries make me exhausted like how about full blown literature essays. Maybe sparknotes will be the right place to find analysis of the book I guess. (LONG LIVE SPARKNOTES THE SAVIOUR OF LIT STUDENTS) With that, I shall end this because I have a pile of work waiting to be done.Thats the thing about work, it demands to be done. ;)
Byee
On a general note, I felt the characterisation of the book was excellent but the plot was a little lacking cos it felt incomplete (For the same reason why Hazel Grace liked A Imperial Affliction so much. The story was complete but it just ended so abruptly like what happened to Hazel Grace?? What happened to Isaac?? Did he get back with Monica?? So many unanswered questions...)
Now for some commentary on the characters.
Hazel Grace - I liked her character. Her personality was realistic. I think one of the most memorable parts about her parts in the movie would be her comparing herself to a grenade. I think that strikes a chord in a lot of terminally ill people. Shailene Woodley did a great job in portraying Hazel Grace I guess since I felt she plays similar roles as Beatrice Prior in Divergent with the strong independent type of character and portraying Hazel Grace as a sick but strong person would easily be the perfect role for her.
Augustus Waters - First impression of Gus when I watched the movie was errrrr creepy? The way he smiled at Hazel Grace was kinda creepy(?) Sorry Ansel Elgor, maybe toothy smiles would look less creepy. Other than that I felt weirded out because Ansel Elgort played the role of Caleb Prior in Divergent which means that he acted as Shailene's sibling so erm... you get it. Ok back to the movie. I liked how Gus was all metaphoric and all with the cigarettes and his obsession with metaphors fascinated me. The quotes that came out from the character Augustus Waters were all spun out beautifully. In fact, the book/movie has so many beautiful quotes I can't even decide on which one I like best. However, I would have to mention how terribly cheesy a character Gus was. I'm not into anything cheesy so those awkward scenes when he was like he said I love you probably 5 times straight made me squirm a little haha. Oh! There was this part when he was wearing the Rik Smits (Dutch basketballer) jersey and holding DUTCH tulips and he brought Hazel to the funky bones sculpture which is oh so coincidentally sculpted by a DUTCH artist. Gus commented about how the tomatoes weren't dutch but mexican. I laughed at that part but nobody laughed with me so I guess I have a weird sense of humour >: There are a lot of dutch references in the book/movie since everything is like co-related to Amsterdam, which is in The Netherlands.
Isaac - Comedy Relief! Isaac was such a funny character I bet he made a lot of people smile while they were crying. The actor didn't quite act like a blind person very well but his lines overshadowed that. A certain quote from this character made me tear up a little. "If a robot came from the future and gave me robot eyes, i would tell that robot to piss off because i don't want to see a world without Augustus Waters." I don't know why but that was so emotionally touching because the thought of leaving behind people who would think of you once in a while and not forget that you were once and always will be their best friend makes me happy in a sad way.
Peter Van Houten - Probably the portrayal of a realistic adult in society. A character that hides all of his kindness within, drains his sorrow with alcohol. A lot of people do that I guess. Augustus Waters did trigger some kindness within him and towards the end of the movie we do see that he is actually not that much of a douche because he offers to tell Hazel what happens in the end in A Imperial Affliction.
Wow there's really so much to the book/movie and so many inferences we can make. This is kind of exhausting and I'm kind of dozing off already. Even commentaries make me exhausted like how about full blown literature essays. Maybe sparknotes will be the right place to find analysis of the book I guess. (LONG LIVE SPARKNOTES THE SAVIOUR OF LIT STUDENTS) With that, I shall end this because I have a pile of work waiting to be done.Thats the thing about work, it demands to be done. ;)
Byee
Jun 20, 2014
How do I sleep when I'm panicking
Freaking the hell out now because
1. WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD?????????? (DAMMIT DID I DROP IT SOMEWHERE)
2. DENTIST LATER (So much pain and torture)
3. 2 PROJECT DEADLINES IN 10 DAYS
4. JAPANESE CDS TEST NEXT WEEK
Help
Me
Please.
T.T
1. WHERE IS MY CREDIT CARD?????????? (DAMMIT DID I DROP IT SOMEWHERE)
2. DENTIST LATER (So much pain and torture)
3. 2 PROJECT DEADLINES IN 10 DAYS
4. JAPANESE CDS TEST NEXT WEEK
Help
Me
Please.
T.T
Jun 5, 2014
Monday flues ):
Why is it I always fall sick during exam periods.
I sleep more, I drink more water and I even eat stuff that is healthier than normal.
Blame it on my immune system then. Its kind of faulty and I keep falling sick especially when I'm not supposed to be sick.
Not to mention its always the same sickness everytime.
Like how do I catch the same virus everytime???
Sore throat, Runny Nose, Fever, and HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HEADACHES.
I almost died today while studying at MaxAtria cos of my nose and I had to run to the bathroom like 10 times (No joke) just to clear my nose.
Felt bad cos I know when I'm sick I'm not supposed to go out cos people with faulty immune systems like mine will get sick too.
Couldn't help it cos if I stayed at home I will get distracted. I tried avoiding the crowds and I guess I did a good job cos its Monday ):
I don't know what to do now I've already drunk like 17 glasses of water today and feel super bloated (Like I'm gonna get water poisoning if I drink another glass of water) I'm not going to resort to panadol unless the fever shows up but tbh I think its here already. Eughhhhhhh I hate being sick cos I'll just be in a bad mood the whole day cos I can't hear well and when I talk I feel like I'm going to cry. Crossing my fingers I'll be better tmr and thank god exam's not in the morning cos my runny nose is like a tap in the morning.
Gonna take MBS in like a few hours time and truthfully, I feel unprepared. I started revision like 5 hours ago so ... Yes you get it. Procrastination at its best again. MBS is a burden subject because it does not make any sense and we are still expected to do difficult projects not to mention we have MST for it. Not really a computer geek so I was like HUH WTF the whole way while studying and all the IT terms sound the same to me. T.T Am I really going to fail the subject ): ): and furthermore I think I did badly for BA *pours salt all over my wounds*
I really need to get some sleep and hopefully a full 8 hours worth of rest will miraculously make me better tomorrow.
I sleep more, I drink more water and I even eat stuff that is healthier than normal.
Blame it on my immune system then. Its kind of faulty and I keep falling sick especially when I'm not supposed to be sick.
Not to mention its always the same sickness everytime.
Like how do I catch the same virus everytime???
Sore throat, Runny Nose, Fever, and HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HEADACHES.
I almost died today while studying at MaxAtria cos of my nose and I had to run to the bathroom like 10 times (No joke) just to clear my nose.
Felt bad cos I know when I'm sick I'm not supposed to go out cos people with faulty immune systems like mine will get sick too.
Couldn't help it cos if I stayed at home I will get distracted. I tried avoiding the crowds and I guess I did a good job cos its Monday ):
I don't know what to do now I've already drunk like 17 glasses of water today and feel super bloated (Like I'm gonna get water poisoning if I drink another glass of water) I'm not going to resort to panadol unless the fever shows up but tbh I think its here already. Eughhhhhhh I hate being sick cos I'll just be in a bad mood the whole day cos I can't hear well and when I talk I feel like I'm going to cry. Crossing my fingers I'll be better tmr and thank god exam's not in the morning cos my runny nose is like a tap in the morning.
Gonna take MBS in like a few hours time and truthfully, I feel unprepared. I started revision like 5 hours ago so ... Yes you get it. Procrastination at its best again. MBS is a burden subject because it does not make any sense and we are still expected to do difficult projects not to mention we have MST for it. Not really a computer geek so I was like HUH WTF the whole way while studying and all the IT terms sound the same to me. T.T Am I really going to fail the subject ): ): and furthermore I think I did badly for BA *pours salt all over my wounds*
I really need to get some sleep and hopefully a full 8 hours worth of rest will miraculously make me better tomorrow.
Jun 1, 2014
난 너 밖엔 안 보인다
Its getting to the extent I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
??????!!!!!!!!!
??????!!!!!!!!!
Counting down to freedom
Productive days are the best.
I really need to consider going places with no wifi and study by myself.
Feeling accomplished but I'm not sure whether I'm on track ):
I guess I'm going to overdose on caffeine this week.
To the extent that I'm already getting hallucinations.
I really need to consider going places with no wifi and study by myself.
Feeling accomplished but I'm not sure whether I'm on track ):
I guess I'm going to overdose on caffeine this week.
To the extent that I'm already getting hallucinations.
May 26, 2014
--
Because we speak a language nobody else can understand.
Sometimes we make words so complicated even our tongues twist speaking them.
But what matters is the barriers we're building.
People don't understand us.
Isn't that the most important?
We need to be different.
May 22, 2014
The only constant in life is change.
세상아 보거라 이기게 해다오 태양아 뜨거라 내게 힘을 다오
운명아 듣거라 길을 막지 마오 그녀를 꼭 지킬게
My favorite line in Last Romeo. This song got me through the hectic day today.
Seriously its so cool how Infinite always manages to put like "traditional korean" in the lyrics that is representative of the Korean culture like from their Chaser song also.
Today is such a tiring day it was just project project Japanese Presentation preparation all the way. Not to mention I had CCA. Today's combined was alright I guess. We changed a new conductor ): Pretty sad Mr Cheng left because of some issues with the stingy school. The new conductor was pretty strict but he kind of reminded me of how Mr Tang used to conduct. He was strict but behind the strict was some sense of tolerance. He knew we just picked up the song so we basically sucked at playing. I just couldn't get this part right because the rhythm was super weird ): I guess I need more practice but MSTs are coming I don't have the time... Hopefully with a new conductor we manage to pick up speed on learning the songs and have like a different variety of songs to play. I can feel that I can actually get the notes right its just that I don't dare to blow the high notes so some funny sound comes out. I'll practice harder after MST!!
Ahh strangely the new conductor reminds me of Jun Sung Ahn so I am majorly weirded out. I think its the glasses but omg idek.
Okay I better sleep now I'm left with only 5 hours before I have to wake up tomorrow and I cannot afford to be late for family law or else 1.0 GPA. Nights~
May 12, 2014
Don't mind me.
I really cannot understand why people think like that.
Something so strong has been made fragile with all those corrosive thoughts.
Everyone breaks into pieces just with the slightest touch.
Sometimes I get so angry with the twistedness of this world.
Something so strong has been made fragile with all those corrosive thoughts.
Everyone breaks into pieces just with the slightest touch.
Sometimes I get so angry with the twistedness of this world.
May 11, 2014
It's late and I need to go to bed.
Put out the flames for I am burning in this fire.
These fumes are suffocating and I fear my insides are turning grey.
Drown me in water and flush my insides clean.
Drench me in alcohol and ignite the torch.
Delete your existence.
Erase the memories.
It was never meant to be.
Must it be like this every time?
May 1, 2014
Apr 24, 2014
我是誰
我是誰 你是否常常這樣問自己
我是誰 總是活在別人的期望里
我是誰 是誰又擅自幫你定義了
你是誰 只有不是自己才安全
為什么 你以為這個世界很美麗
為什么 你愛這個世界胜過愛自己
為什么 這個世界不給你平等待遇
為什么 到底做錯了什么
朋友都說你太 太 太奇怪
在背后把你當成笑 笑 笑話看
每一個動作都被瞎猜
他們說你是個不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很簡單
不過就是最普通的 的 的平凡
誠實做自己有時候很難
但是請你勇敢的試一次看看
無論他們又說什么
閒言閒語無法傷害我
世界上只有一個我 沒人能代替的我
無論他們又做什么 小動作無法打敗我
我知道自己是最美麗的
The most
beautiful
會不會 上帝把你的靈魂放錯了身体
會不會 是故意整你不是不小心
會不會 你常常都覺得力不從心
會不會 堅持要做自己太危險
憑什么 難道比較特別就是不對
憑什么 先下了批注在認識之前
憑什么 只不過想認真的活一遍
憑什么 隨便就把人定罪
我是誰 這個問題困扰你多少天多少夜
我是誰 誰有資格決定你怎樣才是對
我是誰 我是誰我是誰
我就是我你就是你
認真做自己的人最美麗
I think this song really speaks a lot.
我是誰 總是活在別人的期望里
我是誰 是誰又擅自幫你定義了
你是誰 只有不是自己才安全
為什么 你以為這個世界很美麗
為什么 你愛這個世界胜過愛自己
為什么 這個世界不給你平等待遇
為什么 到底做錯了什么
朋友都說你太 太 太奇怪
在背后把你當成笑 笑 笑話看
每一個動作都被瞎猜
他們說你是個不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很簡單
不過就是最普通的 的 的平凡
誠實做自己有時候很難
但是請你勇敢的試一次看看
無論他們又說什么
閒言閒語無法傷害我
世界上只有一個我 沒人能代替的我
無論他們又做什么 小動作無法打敗我
我知道自己是最美麗的
The most
beautiful
會不會 上帝把你的靈魂放錯了身体
會不會 是故意整你不是不小心
會不會 你常常都覺得力不從心
會不會 堅持要做自己太危險
憑什么 難道比較特別就是不對
憑什么 先下了批注在認識之前
憑什么 只不過想認真的活一遍
憑什么 隨便就把人定罪
我是誰 這個問題困扰你多少天多少夜
我是誰 誰有資格決定你怎樣才是對
我是誰 我是誰我是誰
我就是我你就是你
認真做自己的人最美麗
I think this song really speaks a lot.
Apr 21, 2014
This pain is killing me.
Day 3 of the most agonizing pain ever.
I haven't slept well for the past 3 days already and I feel like i'm going to break down.
This pain just get worse everyday and I just took like 3 panadol pills (Which is like way over the recommended dosage but I don't care.) This pain is causing me so much hell I've got this terrible headache and I feel like i'm going to get brain damage if it doesn't go away. Even crying doesn't make me feel better okay it is THIS shitty.
I need the dentist urgently but the whole week is so packed not to mention I have like CCA recruitment coming and 3 days of CCA practice. Blowing the dizi with a toothache is no joke. Now when I'm not doing anything the ache is already so painful and I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm getting like cold sweat and chills and not to mention my hands are shaking. How am I going to go for CCA recruitment. If I tell the upper ups I'm having a toothache and can't go for the CCA thingy I'm going to get grilled and probably kicked out FOREVER. But they do not understand this pain. They do not understand my dilemma. And they might probably think I'm faking a shitty excuse to just get out of performing. Its just a badly timed toothache. I HATE YOU, TOOTH, FOR GIVING ME SO MUCH HELL.
I tried using whiskey to swish away the pain but it just dulls the pain for like 3 minutes AND THE PAIN COMES BACK. And i'm getting a terrible headache and the smell of whiskey is just awful and making my headache worse. I've tried all sorts of shit to banish the pain but it still hurts. I guess saltwater was the best but I tried it with like hot water at work just now and I felt like a dagger was being stabbed through my jaw. I guess after that I used room temp water and it worked. JUST FOR A WHILE. I'm gonna swish some saltwater in my mouth later before sleep so I can at least get some sleep before I wake up again. Actually I wish I could just pass out right now so I can get some sleep before school tomorrow.
I'm in a really grumpy mood right now (Note all the "shit" I used in this post) and I guess it'll probably worsen tomorrow. I'm freaking hungry now because I didn't eat much today since I was so bothered by my tooth. I have to conclude that the two worst feelings in the world are hunger and toothache.
I haven't slept well for the past 3 days already and I feel like i'm going to break down.
This pain just get worse everyday and I just took like 3 panadol pills (Which is like way over the recommended dosage but I don't care.) This pain is causing me so much hell I've got this terrible headache and I feel like i'm going to get brain damage if it doesn't go away. Even crying doesn't make me feel better okay it is THIS shitty.
I need the dentist urgently but the whole week is so packed not to mention I have like CCA recruitment coming and 3 days of CCA practice. Blowing the dizi with a toothache is no joke. Now when I'm not doing anything the ache is already so painful and I feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm getting like cold sweat and chills and not to mention my hands are shaking. How am I going to go for CCA recruitment. If I tell the upper ups I'm having a toothache and can't go for the CCA thingy I'm going to get grilled and probably kicked out FOREVER. But they do not understand this pain. They do not understand my dilemma. And they might probably think I'm faking a shitty excuse to just get out of performing. Its just a badly timed toothache. I HATE YOU, TOOTH, FOR GIVING ME SO MUCH HELL.
I tried using whiskey to swish away the pain but it just dulls the pain for like 3 minutes AND THE PAIN COMES BACK. And i'm getting a terrible headache and the smell of whiskey is just awful and making my headache worse. I've tried all sorts of shit to banish the pain but it still hurts. I guess saltwater was the best but I tried it with like hot water at work just now and I felt like a dagger was being stabbed through my jaw. I guess after that I used room temp water and it worked. JUST FOR A WHILE. I'm gonna swish some saltwater in my mouth later before sleep so I can at least get some sleep before I wake up again. Actually I wish I could just pass out right now so I can get some sleep before school tomorrow.
I'm in a really grumpy mood right now (Note all the "shit" I used in this post) and I guess it'll probably worsen tomorrow. I'm freaking hungry now because I didn't eat much today since I was so bothered by my tooth. I have to conclude that the two worst feelings in the world are hunger and toothache.
Apr 19, 2014
Toothache
How can toothaches hurt this much.
Half my head feels numb.
I'm having blurry vision.
I don't even know which teeth the pain is coming from because my whole jaw just hurts.
How am I going to survive a week in school like this ):
Half my head feels numb.
I'm having blurry vision.
I don't even know which teeth the pain is coming from because my whole jaw just hurts.
How am I going to survive a week in school like this ):
Apr 14, 2014
Apr 3, 2014
Semester 2.1
I'm having really mixed feelings about the upcoming semester.
Its really sad how my whole class is like freaking split up including like all my friends and all that shit. WHY CHANGE CLASS WHY. Although maybe i have to be thankful at least I know people that are still in the same class (Like 2 only but whatever.) and at least they're not the group of people I'm freaking awkward with. I guess there are pros and cons of switching classes so I'm gonna accept the change of class/atmosphere and hope for the better. I hope everyone in 04 will be like people I can actually talk to nicely without them like being snobbish or irritating or anything I find irksome. I'm pretty sad I'm split up with the gayz but I guess some things can't be helped. We're still gonna see each other during lectures and I'm going to see Joey during CCA so that's still great. Its not like I'm leaving to a faraway land or that we'll never see each other again since we're in the same school and much more, the same course. Maybe this time when we change class its really a test of how everyone can manage their friendships even though we don't see each other as often any more. (I'm sure I'm not the only one being split up with their friends so yeah..)
Maybe I'm more worried for my projects and stuff since I'm thrown in a new environment so I'll have to cross my fingers for friendly and great project mates. Everyone is in this course to do well I guess? So everyone should be more serious towards their projects since its like year 2? (I SURE HOPEEE SO)
I'm quite clueless about who's in my class next semester so I guess its going to be a surprise (Pleasant one I hope.) when school starts in late april. Even if I end up in a bad class I'm gonna rant and be annoyed but after that I'll have to get over it and comfort myself that at least in year 3 I'm gonna be in a different class. Good thing I'm still in 04 at least I won't have to remember that I'm in some other class than 04. After all its not that bad although I might have to struggle with my socially awkward ways again and hope that nobody hates me and wants to make my year 2 life hell.
I really dislike changes but sometimes the change might be for the better. Life still goes on.
On a side note, I really will miss my year 1 class like super lots and lots and lots so I hope we have BBQs often and still stay close :,) (Pardon my gay-ness.)
Its really sad how my whole class is like freaking split up including like all my friends and all that shit. WHY CHANGE CLASS WHY. Although maybe i have to be thankful at least I know people that are still in the same class (Like 2 only but whatever.) and at least they're not the group of people I'm freaking awkward with. I guess there are pros and cons of switching classes so I'm gonna accept the change of class/atmosphere and hope for the better. I hope everyone in 04 will be like people I can actually talk to nicely without them like being snobbish or irritating or anything I find irksome. I'm pretty sad I'm split up with the gayz but I guess some things can't be helped. We're still gonna see each other during lectures and I'm going to see Joey during CCA so that's still great. Its not like I'm leaving to a faraway land or that we'll never see each other again since we're in the same school and much more, the same course. Maybe this time when we change class its really a test of how everyone can manage their friendships even though we don't see each other as often any more. (I'm sure I'm not the only one being split up with their friends so yeah..)
Maybe I'm more worried for my projects and stuff since I'm thrown in a new environment so I'll have to cross my fingers for friendly and great project mates. Everyone is in this course to do well I guess? So everyone should be more serious towards their projects since its like year 2? (I SURE HOPEEE SO)
I'm quite clueless about who's in my class next semester so I guess its going to be a surprise (Pleasant one I hope.) when school starts in late april. Even if I end up in a bad class I'm gonna rant and be annoyed but after that I'll have to get over it and comfort myself that at least in year 3 I'm gonna be in a different class. Good thing I'm still in 04 at least I won't have to remember that I'm in some other class than 04. After all its not that bad although I might have to struggle with my socially awkward ways again and hope that nobody hates me and wants to make my year 2 life hell.
I really dislike changes but sometimes the change might be for the better. Life still goes on.
On a side note, I really will miss my year 1 class like super lots and lots and lots so I hope we have BBQs often and still stay close :,) (Pardon my gay-ness.)
Mar 29, 2014
Concert :D
Concert's finally over!
I can say that I really improved through the course of the whole week. I guess insane practice did help after all. Although there were certain parts I still couldn't play but I could proudly say I tried playing the parts that I actually could play and the concert turned out great after all. Although there were certain glitches here and there as everyone was super nervous but it was still good!! It was so nerve-wrecking playing an instrument I wasn't even confident in front of a crowd but I still did it. I'm kind of glad inside I went for the concert (Cos I wasn't intending to go for this concert initially hahaha but certain circumstances forced me into the concert)
It felt like ages before when I actually performed in front of a crowd and that feeling still remains as amazing as ever. I'm probably more cut out for performing arts I guess hahaha although UG still was a pretty fun CCA through secondary school. The previous time I could vividly remember standing in front of a crowd was in primary school doing the yearly annual event reports thingy when I was so nervous I pronounced the word kudos wrongly. And how I stood by my own during drama night in sec 1 as the narrator when I had bad memory and I had to use a script plastered to the ground (I couldn't have any script in my hand...) cos the other narrators didn't have a script and I should be like them. Thinking about it, I had more chances the average person did in public speaking so I'm pretty thankful for that. Maybe I'm more stage material (Is it my voice? Is it how I don't appear very nervous?) I don't know but I don't know if people sense the quiver in my voice when I'm actually nervous and speak in public.
Anyways, it was a rewarding week since I've actually felt it was kind of fun going back to school for CO practice. Although it was VERY awkward at times since I have this antisocial habit that make people think I'm very cocky/ignorant/loner-like but its really not that way ): I've always been socially awkward ): Usually people have to talk to me first because I won't go around chatting with random people... And sometimes my normal face scares away people cos they think I'm like a grumpy asshole.
Back to my normal holiday routine of working and movie/drama marathon-ing. Whoop can't wait for sleepover hehe.
Mar 25, 2014
LOSER
Today was just pretty bad. Mainly because of results I guess. I kind of expected myself to get horrible results since my results before finals weren't even good to begin with. My GPA dropped like crazy and what can I say. (WHAT A LOSER OMG WHAT A LOSERRRR)
I didn't feel like real sad or anything but I guess I am disappointed with how I fared. I need to try harder. Hopefully trying harder helps because that is the only way I know to maybe enable me to have a chance to pull up my grades. I feel like a loser telling myself if I scored like 3.7 like next semester my GPA would rise like by a lot so I don't have to be sad this time round. Maybe being sad might actually be better since I'll be more motivated. What have I done to myself... I can't even remember the day I stopped caring anymore.
Basically the second half of the day was CCA. I think I lost like maybe 5 years off my lifespan when the conductor wanted to play Pirates of the Carribean and I TOTALLY WAS SUPER UNFAMILIAR WITH THAT SONG. Both Joey and I panicked and we were like having anxiety attacks since there weren't any woodwind people around THAT MEANS WE HAD TO PLAY SOLO. Ahh but luckily everyone came before the conductor threw his baton at us so PHEWWW. So stressed out for concert since I'm kind of foggy with most of the songs since I haven't touched music scores in a long while and I'm still confused with the fingerings. I guess maybe like 50% of the way I'm smoking my way through the song but that is because I really can't blow any shit. Wtf sometimes an enormous sound blasts out and sometimes no sound comes out. Its super frustrating when I actually know the fingerings but I blow and nothing comes out. Sometimes I feel like breaking my instument into half because it is so difficult. I know its something about my posture but I've tried like a hundred different ways and sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn't. I bet all the percussion people are like this girl seriously. Don't know how to play also come for concert take the credit. But heyyy excuse me how much time did we have to learn the songs and we weren't even planning to go for this concert but later the main comm people not happy then ... ): Sighhh we're having the full run tomorrow so I don't know anymore. People can say whatever they want and as long as I try to blow but no sound comes out I don't care anymore because well I can't do anything right.
I didn't feel like real sad or anything but I guess I am disappointed with how I fared. I need to try harder. Hopefully trying harder helps because that is the only way I know to maybe enable me to have a chance to pull up my grades. I feel like a loser telling myself if I scored like 3.7 like next semester my GPA would rise like by a lot so I don't have to be sad this time round. Maybe being sad might actually be better since I'll be more motivated. What have I done to myself... I can't even remember the day I stopped caring anymore.
Basically the second half of the day was CCA. I think I lost like maybe 5 years off my lifespan when the conductor wanted to play Pirates of the Carribean and I TOTALLY WAS SUPER UNFAMILIAR WITH THAT SONG. Both Joey and I panicked and we were like having anxiety attacks since there weren't any woodwind people around THAT MEANS WE HAD TO PLAY SOLO. Ahh but luckily everyone came before the conductor threw his baton at us so PHEWWW. So stressed out for concert since I'm kind of foggy with most of the songs since I haven't touched music scores in a long while and I'm still confused with the fingerings. I guess maybe like 50% of the way I'm smoking my way through the song but that is because I really can't blow any shit. Wtf sometimes an enormous sound blasts out and sometimes no sound comes out. Its super frustrating when I actually know the fingerings but I blow and nothing comes out. Sometimes I feel like breaking my instument into half because it is so difficult. I know its something about my posture but I've tried like a hundred different ways and sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn't. I bet all the percussion people are like this girl seriously. Don't know how to play also come for concert take the credit. But heyyy excuse me how much time did we have to learn the songs and we weren't even planning to go for this concert but later the main comm people not happy then ... ): Sighhh we're having the full run tomorrow so I don't know anymore. People can say whatever they want and as long as I try to blow but no sound comes out I don't care anymore because well I can't do anything right.
Mar 21, 2014
?
What is this feeling in the deep pits of my stomach that makes me so uncomfortable.
Why do we live in the lies of sadness when we are actually happy.
Why do we try to hurt ourselves when nothing is actually worth the pain.
Why do we care when it isn't even our business.
So many Whys.
So little answers.
...
Apologies do not come easy.
I think I found the reason why I have so much respect and admiration for you.
Why do we live in the lies of sadness when we are actually happy.
Why do we try to hurt ourselves when nothing is actually worth the pain.
Why do we care when it isn't even our business.
So many Whys.
So little answers.
...
Apologies do not come easy.
I think I found the reason why I have so much respect and admiration for you.
-
Back then, we were all young and immature.
We said things before really thinking anything through.
We might have hurt people we didn't want to hurt. We might not even have the intention or knowledge that our words could cause such emotional scars.
The dire consequences we had to bear. But who was to blame? It was just us from the beginning. The thoughts we let spill out from our mouths thoughtlessly.
Nobody was willing to lend a hand.
Thrown away and left to survive on our own.
No one was on our side.
After all, nobody could gain anything from being on our side.
Reality ripped off its smiling mask and bared its fangs.
We were forced to survive on our own.
Those that couldn't bear it anymore took their lives.
The rest of us clenched our fists and our hearts turned as hard as our fists.
The passionate blood of youth running through our veins ceased.
We all wore uniforms of black and white.
The world wasn't the same anymore.
Mar 17, 2014
17.3.2014
Its been a while :)
Feeling utterly exhausted the past few days since I've been working HARD. I worked for 4 straight days and technically I feel really out-of-sorts right now but its still early to sleep (12.29am is a time too early to sleep. Yep.) Its great to work since firstly, I get to earn money and secondly, I won't sit around at home and think about useless shit and waste my feelings over nothing, thirdly, when I work, at least I get to meet people and not rot away and lose all communication with the world when I do drama marathons at home. Its more tiring to overthink than work. At least when I'm physically exhausted my insomnia goes away. Plenty of work politics but I guess I'll have to steer away from all the drama.
This week has been pretty eventful even though I can't remember most of it except work or CCA. Still pretty worried for CCA since my dizi does not want to cooperate with me. Tosh came to waraku to eat like 2 days ago. It was really funny how no one working that day knew who he was except the customers who wanted a photo with him. I wanted a photo too but the restaurant was too crowded and I was in a mess since I was running around everywhere. (Actually I'm not sure if I actually wanted a photo with him hahaha since I wasn't that much of a fan.<-- acting="" again="" indecisiveness="" p="" up="">Speaking of coincidences, I've had a lot of coincidences this week. Meeting with people you haven't seen in a while gives you this warm and fuzzy feeling inside. It a nice feeling when memories stored away within are relived again and I get to experience this feeling so special I really cannot find any word to describe. The human mind is amazing. These feelings are merely just chemical reactions within the body but they are so... special.
Well I have to mentally prepare myself for another hectic week. The concert date is getting closer and its like I have loads of things to do. Good Night.
(Frankly this post was supposed to be longer but chrome crashed on me so -_-)
Feeling utterly exhausted the past few days since I've been working HARD. I worked for 4 straight days and technically I feel really out-of-sorts right now but its still early to sleep (12.29am is a time too early to sleep. Yep.) Its great to work since firstly, I get to earn money and secondly, I won't sit around at home and think about useless shit and waste my feelings over nothing, thirdly, when I work, at least I get to meet people and not rot away and lose all communication with the world when I do drama marathons at home. Its more tiring to overthink than work. At least when I'm physically exhausted my insomnia goes away. Plenty of work politics but I guess I'll have to steer away from all the drama.
This week has been pretty eventful even though I can't remember most of it except work or CCA. Still pretty worried for CCA since my dizi does not want to cooperate with me. Tosh came to waraku to eat like 2 days ago. It was really funny how no one working that day knew who he was except the customers who wanted a photo with him. I wanted a photo too but the restaurant was too crowded and I was in a mess since I was running around everywhere. (Actually I'm not sure if I actually wanted a photo with him hahaha since I wasn't that much of a fan.<-- acting="" again="" indecisiveness="" p="" up="">Speaking of coincidences, I've had a lot of coincidences this week. Meeting with people you haven't seen in a while gives you this warm and fuzzy feeling inside. It a nice feeling when memories stored away within are relived again and I get to experience this feeling so special I really cannot find any word to describe. The human mind is amazing. These feelings are merely just chemical reactions within the body but they are so... special.
Well I have to mentally prepare myself for another hectic week. The concert date is getting closer and its like I have loads of things to do. Good Night.
(Frankly this post was supposed to be longer but chrome crashed on me so -_-)
Mar 2, 2014
Stuffed Up
Hello hello.
The past few days hasn't been good since I had a fever and my nose was clogged up. And the weather was totally such a killer. In the afternoon I felt as if I was going to die because my head would just throb and I thought it might explode. I actually went to bathe like 3 times because I couldn't take it. (Not supposed to bath when you have fever but who cares because if I didn't I swear I'd just be nothing but exploded brains.) Well I guess all those showers did help because my fever went away and now I just have my stuffy nose that would get on my nerves when I'm actually deep in thought and suddenly feel like I can't breathe. I wasted 2 whole days being sick and just doing nothing but sleep. Okay maybe I tried doing exercises like static holds and crunches so I'd sweat and get well faster so maybe that helped too. Now I'm down with horrible muscle aches (Esp in my core muscles and breathing hurts sometimes) and my blocked nose isn't helping.
Gosh one more day to my last 2 papers and I'm nervous as hell. Though one paper is open book but that is what makes it so scary. ITS OPEN BOOK. The marking will be stricter and chances of my A slipping through my fingers are higher. *sobs* My grades aren't doing very well so i'm basically quite screwed and I fall sick too often because there are loads of things bothering me. Haven't exactly started yet for Tort Law so good luck to me.
Anyways I'm looking forward to the holidays which is in 3 days time hehehe. Loads of things planned especially in March since my CCA's gonna have a concert and there are loads of concert practices. I hope I won't get kicked out of the concert cos I'm too bad at playing since I just started less than a year ago and I still suck. (Well not gonna rant about certain people in CCA since I can't be bothered with such negativity in my life) Also, I need to start to pick up my violin and start playing something and brush up on my rusty skills. I'll have to use my smaller 3/4 sized one since my full sized one is on "loan". Hmmmm... I'm planning on working loads too because I need money to fuel my shopping sprees since I'm going to be absolutely free to do whatever I want during the close to 2 months of holidays. Can you hear the butterflies fluttering in my tummy because I'm so excited (Nervous even.)! (Fancy thinking of holidays when my exams aren't even over.) Oh yes and the sleepover! Haven't done sleepovers in a while so I'm totally excited too. And meetups with friends yayyy (Probably not all since a whole lot of them are super busy with studying for A levels.) Well I can see that my holidays are going to be fruitful and I sure hope my results come out okay.
Back to Criminal Law and reading cases. Pretty frustrated I can't find some cases because I have no LawNet. Sucks to be me because I was too lazy to go to iLaw or the computer labs to search for the cases. I'll just have to rely on trusty google now to search for the cases if I am so luckily able to find them.
(Shucks I still have to make time to watch Emergency Couple because of that Rooftop scene that left me hanging.)
The past few days hasn't been good since I had a fever and my nose was clogged up. And the weather was totally such a killer. In the afternoon I felt as if I was going to die because my head would just throb and I thought it might explode. I actually went to bathe like 3 times because I couldn't take it. (Not supposed to bath when you have fever but who cares because if I didn't I swear I'd just be nothing but exploded brains.) Well I guess all those showers did help because my fever went away and now I just have my stuffy nose that would get on my nerves when I'm actually deep in thought and suddenly feel like I can't breathe. I wasted 2 whole days being sick and just doing nothing but sleep. Okay maybe I tried doing exercises like static holds and crunches so I'd sweat and get well faster so maybe that helped too. Now I'm down with horrible muscle aches (Esp in my core muscles and breathing hurts sometimes) and my blocked nose isn't helping.
Gosh one more day to my last 2 papers and I'm nervous as hell. Though one paper is open book but that is what makes it so scary. ITS OPEN BOOK. The marking will be stricter and chances of my A slipping through my fingers are higher. *sobs* My grades aren't doing very well so i'm basically quite screwed and I fall sick too often because there are loads of things bothering me. Haven't exactly started yet for Tort Law so good luck to me.
Anyways I'm looking forward to the holidays which is in 3 days time hehehe. Loads of things planned especially in March since my CCA's gonna have a concert and there are loads of concert practices. I hope I won't get kicked out of the concert cos I'm too bad at playing since I just started less than a year ago and I still suck. (Well not gonna rant about certain people in CCA since I can't be bothered with such negativity in my life) Also, I need to start to pick up my violin and start playing something and brush up on my rusty skills. I'll have to use my smaller 3/4 sized one since my full sized one is on "loan". Hmmmm... I'm planning on working loads too because I need money to fuel my shopping sprees since I'm going to be absolutely free to do whatever I want during the close to 2 months of holidays. Can you hear the butterflies fluttering in my tummy because I'm so excited (Nervous even.)! (Fancy thinking of holidays when my exams aren't even over.) Oh yes and the sleepover! Haven't done sleepovers in a while so I'm totally excited too. And meetups with friends yayyy (Probably not all since a whole lot of them are super busy with studying for A levels.) Well I can see that my holidays are going to be fruitful and I sure hope my results come out okay.
Back to Criminal Law and reading cases. Pretty frustrated I can't find some cases because I have no LawNet. Sucks to be me because I was too lazy to go to iLaw or the computer labs to search for the cases. I'll just have to rely on trusty google now to search for the cases if I am so luckily able to find them.
(Shucks I still have to make time to watch Emergency Couple because of that Rooftop scene that left me hanging.)
Feb 23, 2014
-_-
Haven't blogged in a while since dumb me forgot my password. -_- Such a fail sometimes. I had to try like so many passwords and I couldn't even remember which gmail account this blog is linked under.
ANYWAYS I FINALLY LOGGED IN WHOOPIES.
Basically the past week I've been busy *ahem* studying. Maybe not like the hardcore "lock myself up in a room and study until I have no idea whether it is day or night" but well yeah, enough studying to finish the whole LSM Syllabus and MicroEcons syllabus by today. Haven't even touched my exam papers sighhhh. Slow progress but I guess I'm getting there. Procrastinated a lot and sacrificed A LOT of sleep. Basically because I study better between 12mn and 3am in the wee hours of the morning. I was so shocked when I looked into the mirror this morning while washing my face because of my deadly dark eye circles and bloodshot eyes ): Staying at home for so many days makes me feel so unhealthy because I keep snacking and SLACKING. I really wanted to get out of the house to study at Starbucks but I was saving up to get my hoodie. (I FINALLY DID OMG CAN'T WAIT COS I'M TOO EXCITEDDDDDD) I've been spending money like water just sitting at home through the computer so I feel guilty so I survived with instant coffee instead of CBTL or Starbucks. Spent like 150 dollars just sitting at home within a span of 2 days >:
Well I started watching dramas yesterday night since I felt like slacking after a day of study. (I know I shouldn't have...) But yeah I realised I managed to marathon 10 episodes since yesterday night. ALL THAT TIME I HAVE BEEN WASTING GOSHHHH. But well now I shall accept reality since I cannot get back the 10 hours I lost... I need to persevere and get through this hellish week.
I think I'm going crazy since I'm inhaling so much secondhand smoke from the asshole downstairs. I close the windows every night just not to smell your smoke and sometimes I wake up at 3am smelling the smoke in my room. FUCKING HELL DO YOU EVEN SLEEP OR YOU JUST SMOKE ALL YOUR MONEY AWAY. Last time it felt like hell when both the top units and bottom units were heavy smokers. My house smelt like a smoking zone EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't really care if you smoke but I guess you don't even have the decency to smoke at the corridor BUT AFFECT EVERYONE. I feel like I get paranoid or OCD i don't even know the exact term but nowadays when I'm at home alone I close all the windows because when the windows are open I get very uneasy.
Enough of ranting and I shall get back to work since its approaching my optimum studying time.
ANYWAYS I FINALLY LOGGED IN WHOOPIES.
Basically the past week I've been busy *ahem* studying. Maybe not like the hardcore "lock myself up in a room and study until I have no idea whether it is day or night" but well yeah, enough studying to finish the whole LSM Syllabus and MicroEcons syllabus by today. Haven't even touched my exam papers sighhhh. Slow progress but I guess I'm getting there. Procrastinated a lot and sacrificed A LOT of sleep. Basically because I study better between 12mn and 3am in the wee hours of the morning. I was so shocked when I looked into the mirror this morning while washing my face because of my deadly dark eye circles and bloodshot eyes ): Staying at home for so many days makes me feel so unhealthy because I keep snacking and SLACKING. I really wanted to get out of the house to study at Starbucks but I was saving up to get my hoodie. (I FINALLY DID OMG CAN'T WAIT COS I'M TOO EXCITEDDDDDD) I've been spending money like water just sitting at home through the computer so I feel guilty so I survived with instant coffee instead of CBTL or Starbucks. Spent like 150 dollars just sitting at home within a span of 2 days >:
Well I started watching dramas yesterday night since I felt like slacking after a day of study. (I know I shouldn't have...) But yeah I realised I managed to marathon 10 episodes since yesterday night. ALL THAT TIME I HAVE BEEN WASTING GOSHHHH. But well now I shall accept reality since I cannot get back the 10 hours I lost... I need to persevere and get through this hellish week.
I think I'm going crazy since I'm inhaling so much secondhand smoke from the asshole downstairs. I close the windows every night just not to smell your smoke and sometimes I wake up at 3am smelling the smoke in my room. FUCKING HELL DO YOU EVEN SLEEP OR YOU JUST SMOKE ALL YOUR MONEY AWAY. Last time it felt like hell when both the top units and bottom units were heavy smokers. My house smelt like a smoking zone EVERY SINGLE DAY. I don't really care if you smoke but I guess you don't even have the decency to smoke at the corridor BUT AFFECT EVERYONE. I feel like I get paranoid or OCD i don't even know the exact term but nowadays when I'm at home alone I close all the windows because when the windows are open I get very uneasy.
Enough of ranting and I shall get back to work since its approaching my optimum studying time.
Feb 16, 2014
Angst
"Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weighs on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear."
Yep. This is the exact feeling I'm feeling currently. Trying to save myself by attempting to solve my problems one by one and I guess its working out (?) Although it seems like its gonna be a long and tough journey but I'm trying and I hope I manage to straighten everything out.
Feeling guilty for not touching my books when apparently everyone has started studying already. #notme
Well okay lets talk about today. I went to work (YES I WORK TOO OFTEN I KNOW) Everyone is nagging at me for working too much and I know I shouldn't but I can't just stop suddenly (I'm really gonna be a workaholic in the future I can sense it already) Well today was super busy and I actually perspired a lot since I was running around so much. But highlight of the day was this bitchy woman gosh. (Why do I keep meeting bitchy women omg first the taxi stealer now this bitchy woman) I took the order for that table and even repeated everything and I GOT CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS RIGHT OKAY. Well behold because I actually left out an order because (1) I guess Ms Little Bitch was scrolling too much on instagram to even care whether i read her order. (2) Well I guess you were thirsty because you only bothered to ask for ice water. Luckily I even rechecked your bill and even printed the damn thing and put it on your table but well I guess Instagram's more important than food or checking your order. When you didn't get your order I guess you only knew how to push the blame to other people. I even apologised and had to take so much shit with all the spiteful remarks you made. Final straw when you and your friends asked me to refill water and you started glaring at your friend and your friend was like "Wow you shouldn't be glaring at me, right?" HAHA do you think I would have been such a punching bag and took in anymore of your shit. I guess not. I made the best choice ever by looking you in the eye and asking you if you enjoyed talking behind people's backs and who's fault do you think it was when I even took the trouble to check the orders again with everyone. I know I shouldn't be treating a customer like that but I guess you went overboard when you sarcastically remarked that the service was bad and how could I miss out on your order. Wow great. Thanks for realizing your order hasn't arrived when I thought you would be full from scrolling through instagram and mindlessly liking photos. ALL OF US WERE RUSHING AROUND THE WHOLE PLACE COS THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE. The kitchen staff were such assholes already the only thing they could do was like take their time while all of us "small fry" had to get scolded by the customers because the food was taking close to an hour to arrive. It isn't even our fault please because we're not even the ones cooking. Anyways the look on your face was priceless when I told you that because you left in anger without your food so LOL. Even my manager didn't side with you and actually raged at you guys because you really went overboard. Fancy the pot calling the kettle black.
I was really out of sorts today so I had to thank the caramel macchiato I had during my breaktime.
Studying officially starts tomorrow after work!!! More coffee and more brain cells please and thank you.
Yep. This is the exact feeling I'm feeling currently. Trying to save myself by attempting to solve my problems one by one and I guess its working out (?) Although it seems like its gonna be a long and tough journey but I'm trying and I hope I manage to straighten everything out.
Feeling guilty for not touching my books when apparently everyone has started studying already. #notme
Well okay lets talk about today. I went to work (YES I WORK TOO OFTEN I KNOW) Everyone is nagging at me for working too much and I know I shouldn't but I can't just stop suddenly (I'm really gonna be a workaholic in the future I can sense it already) Well today was super busy and I actually perspired a lot since I was running around so much. But highlight of the day was this bitchy woman gosh. (Why do I keep meeting bitchy women omg first the taxi stealer now this bitchy woman) I took the order for that table and even repeated everything and I GOT CONFIRMATION THAT IT WAS RIGHT OKAY. Well behold because I actually left out an order because (1) I guess Ms Little Bitch was scrolling too much on instagram to even care whether i read her order. (2) Well I guess you were thirsty because you only bothered to ask for ice water. Luckily I even rechecked your bill and even printed the damn thing and put it on your table but well I guess Instagram's more important than food or checking your order. When you didn't get your order I guess you only knew how to push the blame to other people. I even apologised and had to take so much shit with all the spiteful remarks you made. Final straw when you and your friends asked me to refill water and you started glaring at your friend and your friend was like "Wow you shouldn't be glaring at me, right?" HAHA do you think I would have been such a punching bag and took in anymore of your shit. I guess not. I made the best choice ever by looking you in the eye and asking you if you enjoyed talking behind people's backs and who's fault do you think it was when I even took the trouble to check the orders again with everyone. I know I shouldn't be treating a customer like that but I guess you went overboard when you sarcastically remarked that the service was bad and how could I miss out on your order. Wow great. Thanks for realizing your order hasn't arrived when I thought you would be full from scrolling through instagram and mindlessly liking photos. ALL OF US WERE RUSHING AROUND THE WHOLE PLACE COS THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE. The kitchen staff were such assholes already the only thing they could do was like take their time while all of us "small fry" had to get scolded by the customers because the food was taking close to an hour to arrive. It isn't even our fault please because we're not even the ones cooking. Anyways the look on your face was priceless when I told you that because you left in anger without your food so LOL. Even my manager didn't side with you and actually raged at you guys because you really went overboard. Fancy the pot calling the kettle black.
I was really out of sorts today so I had to thank the caramel macchiato I had during my breaktime.
Studying officially starts tomorrow after work!!! More coffee and more brain cells please and thank you.
Feb 15, 2014
Commemoration of V-Day
Lagger as always cos its 15/2/2014 already.
It was a well spent day since I gave chocolates to loads of people. I received lots of things in return too but some of them are in my stomach already so I couldn't post any pics HAHA. I guess the highlight of the day was basically lunch with the gayest friends on earth and dinner at Joey's house (Yep me only cos Beilin the pangseh-er in action againnnn. Okay jk hahaha I know she didn't mean to pangseh.) So thankful of all the brilliant friends I have :D So there, I shall end my day with sleep.
It was a well spent day since I gave chocolates to loads of people. I received lots of things in return too but some of them are in my stomach already so I couldn't post any pics HAHA. I guess the highlight of the day was basically lunch with the gayest friends on earth and dinner at Joey's house (Yep me only cos Beilin the pangseh-er in action againnnn. Okay jk hahaha I know she didn't mean to pangseh.) So thankful of all the brilliant friends I have :D So there, I shall end my day with sleep.
Feb 11, 2014
:/
Heading out for some Margherita Pizza and Mojito since I've been having quite a shitty week/CNY. Haven't even gotten my pay yet and here I am spending my money already. Its only the middle of the week and I'm going out till late since I don't need to reach school by 9am tmr since no CDS whoop. Sigh what is important is hopefully I unshitty my week/CNY. Such a weird day to hangout haha cos originally it was on Sunday since the music at Wala is good on Sundays but well Sunday is for studying since I'm screwing up all my assessments. Yay for late school and I'll have to limit myself to just 1 drink or not I'm gonna feel worse for the rest of this week or be broke and eat grass for the rest of the week. I shall leave the house now before I procrastinate any further or else I'm gonna be late.
Feb 10, 2014
Woes
My eyes are burning.
I just want to sleep forever and forget I even exist.
Nothing seems easy anymore.
My whole life seems to be sliding downhill and I don't even know how I can make it right again.
I just want to sleep forever and forget I even exist.
Nothing seems easy anymore.
My whole life seems to be sliding downhill and I don't even know how I can make it right again.
Feb 8, 2014
Finally
Finally done with most of my projects. It's like finally I can close my eyes in peace and get a good night's rest. I finally have some time to spare to do my own stuff without feeling like I actually need to do my project. So much of the word finally in my sentences. Pretty much satisfied that at least the hard projects are over and only sociology quiz, SDL Worksheet and legal opinion is left. Project deadlines also signify that my exams are coming soon so I should start studying.
It's been a while since I've skyped with the Fabsapiens ( Our slang for fabulous humans lolol). Everyone has been busy with their own things and we haven't had all 5 of us present in our Skype sessions in a long time. Today was good since everyone was free yay. Although I was late cos I had to work. (Today was no joke people just kept coming.) When I got home I was also utterly drained. But it was worth storing away my fatigue I guess. All of us started ranting about stupid people in our life we just want to destroy and eye candies and our feelings and v-day lol. The amount of eye candies Derek and Theresa have are seriously uncountable. (Now I've exposed themmm.) As always it was always just me and shifu left since the time zone in London is different hahaha and I sleep at weird times. It was a good ranting session since there has been lots of things going on recently. I should be thankful someone even bothers to listen to my crap and anger and sadness.
I feel bad but I made him watch THIS IS INFINITE with me to lighten up our serious talk mode HAHAHAHA. Then the whole call was just excited me talking gibberish and laughing to myself. It was a really good reward I gave myself after all that project rushing. I swear that period was one of the worst periods of my whole school life. I was pretty disappointed with the show since it didn't grab my attention and I had to replay a lot of parts to catch what they were saying since I zoned out. Shifu said it was good though but frankly I think it was because of all the digs they made at each other and mini CG effects throughout the episode that he found interesting. It was funny but sometimes I felt it went too overboard lol. Maybe Ranking King was better since it had a particular concept to the whole show. I still didn't get the concept of the show after the first episode so I hope I get it after watching the next episode next week. I was kind of sad since I think Yeol went under the knife since his eyelid crease is more prominent now. Why did he do it ): I think he looked better previously though. But even if he really went under the knife, it would be his own decision so welllll I have nothing to say.
Basically I'm so tired my eyelids are closing while I'm typing this so I shall go sleep. Joey will be coming over later hahaha then we will be going over to her house for buffet yayyyy. Good food alert~~ I should sleep or not tmr I oversleep then GG. So excites HAHAHA.
Feb 2, 2014
Chinese New Year
What kind of CNY is this. I'm just spending most of my time on my bed, the couch or in the kitchen. I've been lying down and Eating soup and vegetables for the past 2 days. T.T I feel so horrible even at this time of the night and I want to puke all my insides out ):
Okay but at least I'm feeling much better since yesterday and the day before. I hope I get to eat some proper food soon... I have work later on so hopefully I get through this ordeal by tonight and puke everything out and clear my intestines of everything.
Enough of the puke. I shall rest now since I'm still super tired after sleeping practically the whole of my first 2 days of CNY away. God bless my poor stomach. Wow thinking about it I haven't done any serious work since I got this stupid food poisoning. I want to poison myself.
Bad things aside. I hope everyone has a nice chinese new year and receive lots of angpows and eat lots of good food. Remember to take note of what you eat and don't end up like me. :) I'm still pretty satisfied this year even though I received like two angpows from my dad and mum only since I didn't go back to Malaysia. I heard they ate their reunion dinner at a good restaurant and well... I wanted to be there too ): too bad the great project load is tying me down and I don't have time to go back since its so rushed and what not. My parents seriously do make it up for me and my brother by packing angpows with really good figures to make up for the angpows we failed to get. I really do appreciate that. I hope next year will be better.
恭喜发财，马年行大运!! :D 🍊🍊
Jan 29, 2014
Sigh at the downhill sliding of my grades.
I feel like I tried my utmost best already.
Especially for projects.
My hard work isn't paying off.
I guess I need to work harder.
I realised I haven't been feeling very happy or positive since the semester started.
Things aren't going well.
The insomnia is coming back.
I hope things turn for the better
Still so many projects left. ):
I feel like I tried my utmost best already.
Especially for projects.
My hard work isn't paying off.
I guess I need to work harder.
I realised I haven't been feeling very happy or positive since the semester started.
Things aren't going well.
The insomnia is coming back.
I hope things turn for the better
Still so many projects left. ):
Jan 28, 2014
Horrible
Deleting all of this frustration.
My insides feel like they are self destructing and I feel like puking.
All the coffee is just making my insides hurt more.
Its like keeping me alive artificially.
Guess what I might not actually be awake.
I need to hang on.
After all a few more hours and I'll be free.
*Laughs sarcastically at myself*
I chose this.
I chose the hard way.
Why is the report lacking in so many areas. I really have no idea where to start from. Tried my best to clear up the messy formatting and wording. It still looks barely completed and I think I'm going to stay awake the whole of tmr since I have CCA till like 10pm and god knows how I'm gonna end up like on Wednesday morning. I'm probably going to get scolded by my doctor for not cherishing my health but what can I do? Grades are equally as important and I cannot understand how people treat grades so lightly.
Whatever we do we must try our best in right? Haven't anyone told you how important that is? Trying your best?
Well, I guess not.
This is why I really dislike projects. Especially so if you feel like the only one fighting for an A and the rest are laid back just waiting. Waiting for an A to drop from the sky. I hate how I'm really so done with every single shit but I cant flip on the group and just go to sleep no matter how tired I am.
Its a battle I'm fighting alone.
My insides feel like they are self destructing and I feel like puking.
All the coffee is just making my insides hurt more.
Its like keeping me alive artificially.
Guess what I might not actually be awake.
I need to hang on.
After all a few more hours and I'll be free.
*Laughs sarcastically at myself*
I chose this.
I chose the hard way.
Why is the report lacking in so many areas. I really have no idea where to start from. Tried my best to clear up the messy formatting and wording. It still looks barely completed and I think I'm going to stay awake the whole of tmr since I have CCA till like 10pm and god knows how I'm gonna end up like on Wednesday morning. I'm probably going to get scolded by my doctor for not cherishing my health but what can I do? Grades are equally as important and I cannot understand how people treat grades so lightly.
Whatever we do we must try our best in right? Haven't anyone told you how important that is? Trying your best?
Well, I guess not.
This is why I really dislike projects. Especially so if you feel like the only one fighting for an A and the rest are laid back just waiting. Waiting for an A to drop from the sky. I hate how I'm really so done with every single shit but I cant flip on the group and just go to sleep no matter how tired I am.
Its a battle I'm fighting alone.
Jan 25, 2014
Devoid
Its like dark clouds are above me.
The path is clouded and shrouded in darkness.
The flashlight I tried so desperately to hold onto.
Its losing its light.
Emotions are useless.
We should never feel a thing.
Jan 20, 2014
Home
When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions are dirty , my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness,
I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home – leave me alone
Just don’t come in here
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions are dirty , my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness,
I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home – leave me alone
Just don’t come in here
Jan 19, 2014
Brilliant Is
Like a complicated problem or a tangled thread
It wasn’t solved as I wanted it to be
Grabbed by the collar by this bully like reality
I was pressured to give up
But failures open up other possibilities
Remember how to stand up straight
Don’t give up so raise it up
Have courage, hope is near, love
Jan 18, 2014
Officially Sick Day 2
Is there any form of flu instant relief?
Flu is so horrible. Being sick is so horrible.
Having bad immunity is the worst.
Getting dizzy because of the lack of air and my head is hurting.
My gum and lymph glands are swollen and I suspect its Perocoronitis. ):
I'm just not gonna work tomorrow too.
So damn tired though I really didn't do much today.
Basically I was sitting around in school rushing projects with the Criminal Law group.
Truthfully we were only seriously doing work for like 2 or 3 hours and the rest of the time we digressed ALOT.
Hah well but that was okay too since we're kind of close to completion once I finish my part and do some editing of the grammar and stuff.
I'm thinking whether I have time to watch a horror movie before I sleep. Okay I'm weird but when I'm sick I like to hide under my blanket and watch horror movies. When watching horror movies, your heart starts to beat faster and you actually have better blood circulation so I get well earlier. Hmmm but now I have loads of things I have to rush out. UGHHHH PROJECTS... T.T and I need to study for my minutes for meeting assessment on Monday. Really worried my bad hearing cos of my flu would affect my listening of the details of the meeting ):
Sigh I'm so tired now I think I will just lay on my bed.
Jan 17, 2014
Officially Sick Day 1
Although I was sick today and felt pretty damned horrible in school, it was a pretty alright day :)
Guest lecture in the morning was so amusing. (And I thought I would have slept through the whole thing since I was so tired.) Next was my Lcomm assessment which went pretty okay apart from the fact that my nose suddenly clogged up during the test and I rushed to the toilet to blow my nose so I wouldn't affect the others taking the test. Basically wasted 2 minutes of my time blowing my nose but oh well, I couldn't help it. We had a lunch break and I felt so cheated >: Paid $4.70 for Nacho Pork Chops and Carbonara which totally did not meet the amount I expected it to be. Sigh but life is like that so I ate and appreciated that at least there was food on the table. (Kind of thankful for the little amount too cos my ulcer hurt like hell when I ate and after the first bite I felt like I lost my appetitite. ): ) Sociology lesson was actually pretty fun too cos we had consultation today and basically slacked a lot. My Sociology group is a really fun lot so we had lots of laughs while walking to the library and getting our papers photocopied. It was really nice because it felt we had become a lot closer compared to our previous group discussions in class. #GAYYYYBUTYAY
Lesson ended a lot earlier and I went to look for Joey while she was rushing her CDS project with her friend. Hillz and Beiz joined us thereafter :D Went for dinner with Beiz (LOL always dinner-ing with this Bimbz) and gatecrashed her Italian lecture. I was pretty lost cos the teacher was talking about Roman Soldiers and Gladiators and Rome and there were loads of Italian words. Thank god I wasn't in that CDS cos Roman Soldiers aren't my kind of thing.
Well I'm still very stressed now I need to find a way for me to calm down. I think I must have been crazy putting so much work schedule cos my manager was forcing it on me cos I had a payrise. I have so much work to do and I'm even sick so I seriously wonder how am I going to cope next week or maybe even the following days. Tomorrow is officially project day and hopefully we are going to be EXTREMELY PRODUCTIVE so some stress can be taken off my shoulders.
Yay for pleasant surprises cos that surprise really made me forget my stress for like 5 seconds and I felt my day was complete. :> Shit now I feel stupid grinning to myself like an idiot.
Wow okay this must be fated I'm sure of it. To think I didn't even notice.
Wow okay this must be fated I'm sure of it. To think I didn't even notice.
Jan 16, 2014
Random
This is so weird I went to look at my traffic sources and apparently I get 57 views from South Korea.
I wonder if the people that see this even understand what I am writing.
Oh yeah maybe because I post lyrics hahaha.
The internet is such a fascinating place.
I wonder if the people that see this even understand what I am writing.
Oh yeah maybe because I post lyrics hahaha.
The internet is such a fascinating place.
Go Away
Never knew I could feel this amount of stress ever.
I'm sick already I can feel my nose blocking up.
Why do this to me.
W
H
Y
Juggling so many projects and everyone wants to appoint me as the group leader. The thing about group leaders is that they have to CARE. If the group doesn't care, they are the ones that have to get shit done. I'm so tired of caring cos my schedule is overwhelming and maybe my standards are set too high but I seem to never be satisfied with work people give me. I redo and edit loads of things because sometimes people don't listen in class and give me something I totally don't comprehend... Might as well I do it myself??!! If I have one more project I swear I can just collapse and die. Its always during such project periods I fall sick and basically rush projects while I feel like dying inside cos I just hurt everywhere. Feeling super horrible now I think I will sleep now which is my earliest since quite a while. Its close to 1am so its not that early either...
Sigh. Its the dark period of time before project submissions just that this time I'm more or less rushing most things by myself because certain people just wait and wait and expect work to get done by itself.
I'm sick already I can feel my nose blocking up.
Why do this to me.
W
H
Y
Juggling so many projects and everyone wants to appoint me as the group leader. The thing about group leaders is that they have to CARE. If the group doesn't care, they are the ones that have to get shit done. I'm so tired of caring cos my schedule is overwhelming and maybe my standards are set too high but I seem to never be satisfied with work people give me. I redo and edit loads of things because sometimes people don't listen in class and give me something I totally don't comprehend... Might as well I do it myself??!! If I have one more project I swear I can just collapse and die. Its always during such project periods I fall sick and basically rush projects while I feel like dying inside cos I just hurt everywhere. Feeling super horrible now I think I will sleep now which is my earliest since quite a while. Its close to 1am so its not that early either...
Sigh. Its the dark period of time before project submissions just that this time I'm more or less rushing most things by myself because certain people just wait and wait and expect work to get done by itself.
Jan 15, 2014
Not a great day
Wow great. Wore sandals like in such a long time and apparently I got cut by this shard of metal. I didn't even notice my leg bleeding until I saw this blood smear on the floor. UGHHH. My poor feet suffered recently. At work, I accidentally spilled hot water and some of it got on my shoes so I SCALDED MY FEET. Luck hasn't been on my side recently.
As always, I'm tired. I think this is a really bad thing cos currently I don't even sleep 3 hours a day and I actually feel fine but my head isn't thinking and my senses are actually half functioning. Coffee has become my water and I need to drink some everyday so I won't faint from fatigue. There are times when I hallucinate and some times when my vision blurs for no reason. It is really scary and like apparently you can die from sleeping too little so I'm trying my best to make sure that I sleep at least 15 minutes more everyday until I reach the healthy sleep hours of at least 7 hours.
I haven't even set out my resolutions for the year. #fail
Too burdened by projects/schoolwork/work/shit
I need to buck up and get started with studying cos I think 1 month is a long time before my finals and apparently it is not so.
As always, I'm tired. I think this is a really bad thing cos currently I don't even sleep 3 hours a day and I actually feel fine but my head isn't thinking and my senses are actually half functioning. Coffee has become my water and I need to drink some everyday so I won't faint from fatigue. There are times when I hallucinate and some times when my vision blurs for no reason. It is really scary and like apparently you can die from sleeping too little so I'm trying my best to make sure that I sleep at least 15 minutes more everyday until I reach the healthy sleep hours of at least 7 hours.
I haven't even set out my resolutions for the year. #fail
Too burdened by projects/schoolwork/work/
I need to buck up and get started with studying cos I think 1 month is a long time before my finals and apparently it is not so.
Jan 9, 2014
Habits are hard to shake off
I'm so creepy.
Stop.
I need to stop.
But maybe I don't want to.
Feeling a bit weird the whole week.
Maybe it's not a bit weird but super weird.
I guess it's a lack of sleep.
Criminal law meeting tmr T.T Sobs cos our report is still far from perfect and time is running out.
Sorry for having to listen to me freak out over the little time I have left.
---
Remember December 12, 2012?
When you told yourself that by the end of this year, you were going to have it all figured out?
That by the end of this year you were going to be completely without a doubt and your path was gonna be clear and your future was gonna be easy and love was gonna be near and your back was gonna be breezy, from the wind at it?
Do you remember that?
Me neither.
So come on from all that.
After all, it’s gonna be 2014.
Like an explosion of possibility.
Like a reborn reality.
Like a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, two-thousand, fourteenth chance.
God damn.
Like a reborn reality.
Like a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, two-thousand, fourteenth chance.
God damn.
Jan 8, 2014
RANTS AND WHAT-NOT
Feeling like a piece of shit now cos its like nobody seems to be caring about projects and I'm the one initiating meetups and compiling everything. It doesn't sound very bad but its not easy. So freaking tired I haven't slept well in ages worrying about every single shit in the world. I don't have time to go on skype and participate in the monthly h2h talks and I am sad ):
Actually I am exaggerating but well yeah I'm feeling horrible now I need to rant. People are helping me and my group members are actually really nice because they are cooperative and they do work and the work is actually of quality and not slipshot. Why did I even volunteer to compile stuff. Ahh but I should cos then i will be like satisfied with the work produced cos perfectionist. Sighhh.
Just opened a new tumblr so I can write my one-shots and blog shit without annoying people on my fanblog. Its not easy personalising a blog and looking for blog templates and putting nice widgets on it. Spent quite some time doing that and LESS TIME FOR HOMEWORK >:
Well yeah, received my microecons and T.T WHYYYYYYYYYYYY WHY DID I FORGET MY FORMULA. COST ME MY A. I know some of you are like hey at least you got higher than me but I guess this is something personal like its more about my own expectations of myself. There are loads of people in class that did well and honestly I don't feel like sad or anything cos I didn't do as well as them but more of like disappointed in myself for starting revision late and forgetting stuff I shouldn't be forgetting. I'm not that good in econs anyway so LOL. At least I did better than expected. Oh well but still sad cos I no A and no sticker ): (Ok I childish I want stickersss) Self comfort still the best. *Pats myself on the back*
I need to write down all my deadlines and set my new year resolutions so I don't screw up this year.
Sleeping like ASAP cos I have early CDS lecture tmr and sobssobs T.T
Actually I am exaggerating but well yeah I'm feeling horrible now I need to rant. People are helping me and my group members are actually really nice because they are cooperative and they do work and the work is actually of quality and not slipshot. Why did I even volunteer to compile stuff. Ahh but I should cos then i will be like satisfied with the work produced cos perfectionist. Sighhh.
Just opened a new tumblr so I can write my one-shots and blog shit without annoying people on my fanblog. Its not easy personalising a blog and looking for blog templates and putting nice widgets on it. Spent quite some time doing that and LESS TIME FOR HOMEWORK >:
Well yeah, received my microecons and T.T WHYYYYYYYYYYYY WHY DID I FORGET MY FORMULA. COST ME MY A. I know some of you are like hey at least you got higher than me but I guess this is something personal like its more about my own expectations of myself. There are loads of people in class that did well and honestly I don't feel like sad or anything cos I didn't do as well as them but more of like disappointed in myself for starting revision late and forgetting stuff I shouldn't be forgetting. I'm not that good in econs anyway so LOL. At least I did better than expected. Oh well but still sad cos I no A and no sticker ): (Ok I childish I want stickersss) Self comfort still the best. *Pats myself on the back*
I need to write down all my deadlines and set my new year resolutions so I don't screw up this year.
Sleeping like ASAP cos I have early CDS lecture tmr and sobssobs T.T
Jan 4, 2014
Armor
The scars in battle are evident on the shields and armor of triumphant knights.
These knights get all the fame, riches and honor for being "courageous in battle"
Without a care, they welcome their new life.
They forget how they got there.
Nobody remembers anyway.
Who remembers the measly role of the armor selflessly sacrificing its in battle.
Cynical knights in battered amour.
All that matters anyway is self-interest anyway.
The impenetrable suit lays forgotten when there is peace.
When war comes it is polished and regains its former glory.
Honeyed words lined with malice.
" I need you. Remember our previous endeavours?"
Those sickening words.
But when a better replacement is found...
Its an inevitable goodbye.
The cruel reality dawns.
Are you enlightened?
Or does it sting your eyes that were once clouded by dark lies?
Jan 3, 2014
Two-oh-one-four
It's 2014.
Frankly speaking i haven't made any new year resolution(s). Maybe all along I haven't been making any but well yeah maybe I've had just that I haven't taken the effort to take it down and put it up somewhere obvious.
Last year I was pretty much crashing around blindly as I didn't even care about making any kind of goal I had to reach. Well I still had like 3 months before Poly started what do you expect?
The year flashed past. SERIOUSLY IT DID. I am still living in last year I admit. It's a bit hard for me to accept I'm going to be year 2 in like maybe 3 or 4 months and changing classes T.T
Well to sum up last year...
I entered poly, made a bunch of awesome friends, met up with my other friends and well that's pretty much the highlight. My gpa wasn't something I exactly expected but probably something I deserved for slacking half my year away. And to all the people that look upon me as mugger. I don't even like the idea of studying. I just study because I feel that if I don't I would fail the expectations my parents have of me okay maybe just the expectations I have of myself. Maybe they don't have high expectations of me but ok I have high expectations of myself. Seriously sometimes I think my parents arent all about results I guess cos they are just like if you think you did well then yeah you did. But I realised I'm just never satisfied with my achievements so that's just causing extra stress to myself. They probably realised too. I rarely ever let my emotions control my actions but when it comes to expectations of myself and me not being up to standard. I get emotional and distant. I can just stone for the whole day thinking what the hell exactly went wrong. The answer is pretty obvious. I just didn't try hard enough. Every time. The answer is always the same. I guess my resolution has to be something to improve and change the effort I put in to do things. That's step one to my awesome resolutions for 2014.
I really hope this year would be better. I need a more positive mindset this year to positively influence the people around me. I'm putting down all the burdens all the sadness all the troubles I've experienced and all the negative feelings and starting afresh. I'm glad and grateful to everyone that had made such a positive impact on my life and I hope they continue to do so. I hope I am at least in the most minor way at least a positive impact on them too.
4th year of being an Inspirit and 3rd year of being a BBC. Well they've brought me far too. Teaching me that hard work will ultimately lead to success and recognition. How I've gained so many tumblr friends I could talk to with similar interests and the amount of days just being on tumblr could change my bad mood to a good one. Hours of entertainment. Hours I spent laughing over one stupid gif. Priceless. I hope these last and I'll still have many years like this. NOT TO MENTION THE CONCERT I ABSOLUTELY AM GOING TO GO REGARDLESS WHATEVER. And preparing myself to spend more money on albums so at least I have something nice to put on my HIGHDEF speakers when I go overseas to study and feel like relaxing with coffee. (don't mind me daydreaming.) I guess Woolim and seven seasons is just going to get richer while I get poorer...
I've brought pretty awesome things and people and memories from 2013 into 2014. (Like ahem ahem argon ahem) <- Its a secret don't bother asking and only one other person knows so LOL not like anyone would be interested. Basically I wish all things good become better and all things bad just go away and mind their own little business.
I've actually thought of listing down the names of everyone that I am grateful for the previous year but I'm worried about missing out on names so hmm better not HAHA not to mention its kinda awkward.
I'm kind of surprised how I even get like 1100+ views since last year on this weird blog like excuse me if you know me I'm actually pretty weird and not to mention, gay (not in that way). Well here's to all those people secretly (okay maybe openly) reading my blog and my stupid and vague and weird and raging and boring posts, thanks for sticking around! I most likely know who you are cos those reading probably do know me HAHAHA or maybe I don't know you hmmmmm. I don't even know who sticks around or if there is anyone that does that and yes I mean YOU. Thanks for at least reading till the end of this SUPER LONG post. If there isn't anyone that actually sticks around man this is really embarassing but okay forget it cos there are more embarassing things I've done and this pales in comparison.
Fairytales?
Sleeping Beauty was lying in bed checking Facebook from her phone, just feeling so completely alone in her depression. Then she came across a post from an acquaintance about how sad he was, it was a darkness that made him feel like nobody could ever understand how he felt. “Is there anyone else who feels this way?” he asked.
She felt a sense of relief wash over her, a little bit of joy, and thought, At least I’m not so sad I wrote about it on Facebook.
Credits to http://fairytalesfor20somethings.tumblr.com/
I want the Alice in Tumblrland book where do they sell it other than ebay because I have no idea how to make payment for stuff on ebay. >:
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