Difficult

I just want to fall asleep before the first streaks of dawn.

Is that so difficult?

I guess so.

What should I do working doesn't tire me out as much anymore.

My phone is being cranky it's skipping songs as it wishes.

My brain feeling cranky.

Cranky everywhere.

Sighpie wish I was there.

Its no fun here.

The year is ending and I'm not excited at all.

For a brief moment

Such a heart pounding experience.

Is this happiness?

Oh the distance.

I don't even know...

I can't even measure...

How I wish I could travel back in time and make my choice again.

How different would I have turned out to be?

But time cannot turn back just for me.

So I shall leave it as that.

As my mind puts that memory on replay.

):

Sigh I guess my upset stomach got too bad. Puking and I just drank like 3 cups of water to refill all that liquid lost. Ughhhhhh I feel horrible ugrhhggtygghju. I need to sleep before I feel nauseous again.

Forever Replay : Christmas Remixes

Omg look at me being gay like listening to Christmas songs cos the past few days I was too busy to actually sit down and listen and get in the Christmas mood.
I'm late but well who cares cos its Christmas right here in my room when I'm listening to Christmas songs. Ughhh not having a good day cos my stomach hasn't been feeling good since morning. (All that whiskey and champagne.) Bad idea to drink really. Not gonna do it soon again though the new year is coming. Probably going to spend the new year lying on the couch at home and sleeping my whole day away. (Sounds like a good plan.)
Today was just full of projects and my brain cells are well exhausted >:( I woke up late and was super late for tort group meeting. Damn it why couldn't I hear my alarm. Everything wasn't really productive cos everyone was basically tired and it wasn't the right time to be serious cos its boxing day haha.

Well I'm so tired now but listening to Christmas hip-hop remixes hahahaha. KHipHop is actually good minus all the vulgarities(sometimes). At least the lyrics are totally relatable.

I have so many projects that are due by the end of January I should really be panicking right now but no cos Christmas songs are going to calm me down and yes they are working although I'm gonna be like OMGOMGOMGOMG tmr but still that is something I should worry about tmr.

Wow goodnight I should sleep now. Sleeping at 3am everyday is really not a good idea. I wonder how my liver is coping with this cos my dark eyerings are telling me that I should sleep earlier. Cross my fingers for good dreams.

CONTROL

SERIOUSLY I NEED TO MAINTAIN MY SPENDINGS.

Okay well today I was spending "on behalf of my friends" cos I had to get Christmas gifts. Pretty proud of myself for getting like 75% of my gifts. But it was all worth it because I would have been a total messed up kid if weren't for these friends. Season of giving and I think I'm quite proud of myself for being so generous with my gifts hahaha (Not self-praising *ahem*)

So far I've received 3 early christmas gifts. Really super thankful because at least I know there are people who still bother to list down my name when getting christmas gifts.

Sighh now I need to chiong 20 plus Christmas cards. I'm not even doing for those people I know its like people I'm actually thankful for :'')

I feel like getting a pen-pal does anyone have any idea on how I can get one? >: My current pen-pal is lame as hell and I need to abandon him because this is not how pen-pals are supposed to be. There is no air of mystery cos I actually know my pen-pal. (Okay, I actually don't think I can classify him as a pen-pal.) I NEED TO SEND OUT MY CHRISTMAS CARDS ALREADY AND I HAVEN'T DONE IT YET. HALP. Can ready-made Christmas Cards drop from the sky please?

I need to go sleep soon because of this $300 promise I made with my mum to sleep before 12.30pm every night... Its 12.23am and I'm wide awake. I'm gonna have to do at least 8 cards tomorrow. I CAN DO THIS.

"행복을 찾아서 한참을 날았어
움츠린 모든 게 웃음질 수 있도록
행복을 찾아서 한참을 참았어
언젠가 모든 게 빛이 날 수 있도록"

Can this just go without a title

It is scary to know that the possibility...


exists.

Our mind is such a complicated thing isn't it.
Looking at the possibilities that things might change.
That things may not turn out right.
It is not hurt we feel but the painful fear of loss that sears at your heart.

Having bad dreams lately. Not exactly the scary type of bad dreams that leave you drenched in cold sweat. Its something far more twisted... I force myself to wake up but I'm too tired to do so. Probably the worst feeling ever. I can't even remember what kind of dreams are they cos I forget in a matter of seconds after I wake up. I just know my heart thumps real quickly after I wake up in an ominous kind of way.

There is a long howl echoing around the house because its raining. I am caught between the thought of liking rainy days and disliking them. The bad thing about when it rains my joints start to hurt. Its the sharp kind of pain and I absolutely hate it. (I sound like an old person, don't I?) The good thing about when it rains I feel calmer and the coolness of the air straightens my mind up and I don't go around blabbering shit like I always do. There are so many things which I can't choose whether to like or dislike because I can't help it. Things such as people. Ahh the complicated human mind.


"어두 컴컴해 보이지 않아
손 뻗었지만 바람만 부딪혀와
왠지 모르게 낯선 이곳
초라함에 익숙해지네
그림자처럼 지내 "

When you live in a world like that, the only way to go on is to depend on yourself.

:D

Secret Santa please get me Infinite's seasons greeting calendar 2013. Its so freaking expensiveeeeee BUT ALL OF THEM LOOK SO GOOD EVEN IF NOBODY BUYS IT FOR ME I WOULD TOTALLY JUST GET ONE FOR MYSELF FOR XMAS D:<
Today I spent so much money I can feel my heart hurting from the sudden loss of so much money goshh.
BUT I'M SO HAPZ I GOT YEN-J'S SIGNATURE. And the movie (The Hobbit 2) was actually kind of good and I give myself a pat on the back for actually understanding it cos I thought I wouldn't.
Its been so long since I've felt as happy as today and I thank everyone that spent today with me :'D School has been so busy and I've been so busy with things I forgot how to rest and unwind.
Looking forward to the rest of the holidays cos I'm going to meet so many of my friends that I haven't seen in a while hehe. I hope I still have time for projects with my hectic schedule for the term break.

*SPAZZ ALERT*
Okay I'VE WARNED YOU.

GAHHHHHHHHH AUTOGRAPHS GAHHHHH YEN-J AND GAHHHHHHH KILI FROM THE HOBBIT.
The whole fansign was actually kind of short ): It was less than an hour cos there wasn't a big turnout for the event maybe because of the rain. It was totally worth it getting wet in the rain even though I was having a massive headache cos I didn't sleep well the night before. I got to shake his hand and his hands seriously too female-like I wish I had hands like him. (Omg being a creep here.) Liyuan took pictures and we were like super jidong throughout the whole fansign. Liyuan tried to take pictures HAHAHA when he looked in our direction but she was so excited her hands were shaking and she took this blur mass of I-have-no-idea-what. My phone was being a total bitch and I couldn't take any pictures or videos WHY DOES THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN IT WAS LIKE THAT AT THE RUNNING MAN FANMEET TOO.

Anyways all this fun and I spent like 100 dollars today. 100 dollars in exchange for this amount of happiness. Totally worth it. But I'll be broke for a while...        

Pieces of today

Finally cut my toenails cos they were hurting like shit. Not a good idea to walk around in heels with long toenails. My little toe feels especially painful and it bled T.T

Today (13/12)  felt so busy. I was rushing around trying to get something to wear for Law Arts Night and I got this Maxi skirt in the end. Sighhh there wasn't any chiffon Maxi skirts so I had to settle with a cotton one. It felt weird wearing the skirt cos I don't have any habit of wearing long skirts.

The performances were really good maybe except like this guy who was beatboxing. I could tell like what he was trying to attempt to beatbox but it just wasn't up to standard. I just couldn't stop laughing at him cos he looked like he really thought he was doing well and he was all like SWAG YO LOOK AT ME BEATBOXING. I was just LOLOLOLOL throughout the whole performance.

Looking forward to tomorrow (Okay technically today) cos of movie date whooooop and hopefully I'll get Yen-J's signature and shake his hand during the fansign. (If I manage to get in.) I need to buy lots of things and I can already hear my money flying away. Need to get all my oreo cookie ball and dessert supplies YAY and christmas presents for everyone.

Its officially 2 more weeks to the end of this year. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING ALL THIS WHILE.

On the other hand I'M HAVING TERM BREAK NOW YAY. More time to work more time to earn $$$ more things I can buy~ Okay its not the money its just that since its the holidays I can finally pause and take a breather from this fast and furious semester. Although I am very clear that I'm gonna be extremely busy this term break cos I have 3 projects that are running... Time flies. Thinking about me being in a different class next year makes me really sad ): I'm socially awkward, it wasn't easy for to make a bunch of awesome friends...
Okay well but at least now I have time to read books and catch up on all those episodes I haven't watched because I was so busy the past few weeks. I shall spend my time wisely and attempt to sleep more and hope and pray my eyebags shrink and my heavy eye rings fade away. #TermBreakResolution

Posting something more light-hearted today cos I'm feeling happy cos no more school till the end of the year~

Friday the 13th

Hello blog and the people of the internet,

I am sinking into depression.
I have no idea how to start off my focus question post.
And I'm extremely troubled over me not having anything to wear for Law Arts Night tmr.
My fickle-mindedness has landed me in this pile of shit.
I always cannot decide on things.
Buying clothes is so difficult cos there are too many choices and I'm too picky.
I need to post 2 posts for my focus question and my perfectionist side is taking over.
I cannot anyhow post some random post because my conscience will bug me forever for being sloppy and what-not.

Somebody save me.

I.MUST.SLEEP.NOW

Hate my sleeping habits.
Damn its close to 3.30am.
Getting less than 5 hours of sleep a day my body just cannot function properly sometimes.

Must be the overdose of coffee.

Torturous Tort

I AM SO DISTRACTED.

AHHHHH AND I KEEP SPENDING MONEY ONLINE COS ITS CHRISTMAS SOON AND EVERYTHING IS CHEAP TO ME SO I BUY THEN MY ACCOUNT BALANCE FALLS AND FALLS AND I HAVE NO IDEA BECAUSE I DISLIKE CHECKING MY ACCOUNT BALANCE.

I'm like outside at cbtl now but everything is distracting me. ESPECIALLY THE FACT THAT THERE IS WIFI HERE. So many things to do D: D: D: Tort law isn't actually hard to study but there are lots of stuff to read. Reading all these makes me feel sleepy and though I'm actually drinking coffee, there isn't an effect on me. Went to buy this cake in a jar thing (Not at CBTL) that everyone is like raving about to try. I just ate it just now and I didn't know there was alcohol in it -.- Basically I'm not drunk but my face is like kind of red now because of all that coffee and (a little) alcohol... I want to hide in a hole.

Tort is so TORTurous I swear. I haven't read the cases yet so LOLOL good luck to me. I'm still going to sleep tonight cos tort is not worth me losing sleep just to study for it. I really don't care about LPB cos basically:
1. SHE LIKE DAMN LAZY PLS
2. PEER TEACHING DIDN'T WORK OUT
3. HER FACE

Okay but to account to myself I should at least study harder so I can pull up my GPA. I'm not doing well because of LPB and her expectations of us getting As. I'm going to do well because I want to pull up my own GPA.

So there, I'm going to sip another sip of my toffee nut ice blend and continue studying~

Peace is something we cannot take for granted.

Such drama in a night. And i thought tonight would just be me being happy and satisfied cos I just ate buffet. Good food. Happiness.

Sigh.
Why do people have to fight. Why choose violence? Frankly speaking, I have no idea why the bus driver hitting down a person can lead to such violence. Man... Such things can happen. Perhaps the bus driver was feeling weary from a long day of driving. Maybe he was rushing home to see his family...
Why?
Accidents happen. I guess it was shock in the beginning. Then, anger. I know the idea of brotherhood is very strong in their culture. Perhaps seeing a fellow brother get hit might have had a really huge impact on them.
I can't make any comments because I don't know the full story. I just hope everyone is alright and the situation improves. Hopefully this riot will be the start and the end of the breakout of violence.
What we can do now is stop the racist remarks directed to the Indians involved in the riots. Not all of them are bad. Some of them were actually trying to stop the riot from becoming more violent, more bloody...
Is it really impossible for total peace?
Reality stings.

It is a painful lesson learnt.

No sleep tonight whoop

Studying feels like all those deer frolicking around in my head.

I look at the amount of things I have to do and myungsoo perfectly depicts how I feel.

I can't do this anymore

Pretty much sums up the whole of today.

Need to study. Its optimal study time now. 1.30am.

Goodbye blogger I'm going to be a good girl and start studying now.

What am I doing its like 2.30am now and I'm not sleeping

Reading my old posts and laughing at the bad english I used to have back then. Well I still have some of it in me now but it isn't that obvious. Omg seriously so embarrassing I swear. I should be glad I sound slightly more intellectual now HAHAHA.

Kind of reluctant to delete them cos they remind me of years ago where life was much simpler. Although there were times of conflict but I guess the scale is definitely different compared to things now.

I would give everything to return to life way back then where all we cared was whether the little bubble tea shop outside the school would be full and there wouldn't be seats for us and what flavor of instant noodles we would have for the day. How we would ride the bus home and talk about happy things and how my friends would make perverted sounds and I would be like O_O and people would turn to stare and they would burst out laughing.

In Sec 3 and Sec 4 life was all about doodling during lesson time and sleeping during 75% of the lessons. Rushing down for recess and hopefully beating the rest at queuing up for food. Studying in school until everything was just dark and creepy. Infinite and 7 awesome turtles we named. Walks around the lake and how I always see that same humongous bird take a dump at the same spot EVERY TIME. CCA and how we would do "punishments" until we were utterly tired and those times where everyone encouraged each other and aimed to go up on stage to receive their O level Certs. Although I didn't achieve it, most of my friends did and I was happy for them.

I'm still kind of glad I turned out pretty fine.

People point fingers and judge

Did that personality test quiz and I'm an INTJ. I read the description then it made my personality seem like a total sarcastic asshole lol. After that I did the quiz again on some other website and got ISTP. Like whuuuuuuttt. I feel like every time I do the test I get a different result.
I've read both and I agree with some points and disagree with some. So basically its really hard to classify me into something. I guess it works that way for most people too. The human mind is too complicated to be classified into a single personality type. There were a few similarities in the personality descriptors. Like how people with these personalities are often mysterious and baffle others. Yeahhh I agree on this point. I'm not exactly very easy to read. People often mistake my normal face as the "death glare" face which is very prominent for INTJ. (Its not an angry face really. I might be feeling awesome that day but I still give that face...) I baffle myself sometimes too. But the part about being executors of plans and great strategists or INTJs. Well no, I can't strategise for nuts. I'm serious. I've played like those games that you need to strategise and I'm usually like heck strategies I'm just gonna do what I want. I guess I can be reckless huh since those games are virtual reality and it probably wouldn't affect me much if I spent all my fortune buying like 1000kg of onion rings.
Wow there are just too many things to contemplate about myself and I can't even understand how I am sometimes. I guess I lean more towards being an INTJ because I control my emotions well. Maybe sometimes even too well. Okay I cry sometimes when watching emotional stuff okay I'm not as unfeeling as people think. But sometimes I feel I'm very unfeeling. Even to the point that I've wondered if I was a sociopath. The judgemental part got me thinking. Everyone judges. It isn't necessarily a bad thing haha but if people judge and distance themselves or dislikes a person based on how they dress/act/talk. I think its pretty unfair. (Wow using the word judge sounds kind of intimidating.) It is really really hard for me to utterly dislike a person through and through. I'd admit. Even though my meanie self takes over sometimes and I say bad things about certain people. I will regret what I said after that. ):

Sighh I don't even know myself sometimes.

Mid semester tests are coming and I haven't really started studying T.T So disappointed with myself sometimes. My motivation is disappearing. I need to find something realistic to work towards. (Pretty sure NUS LAW faculty is not an option.) People just look down on poly grads. Those bloody professors think they're bigshot and say we're not going to make it in University because we are "not cut out" and should be satisfied with a diploma. (Okay this is an assumption & sorry to those professors that don't think like this)

Everyone around me just needs to cheer up. I can give you all free hugs.(Only exclusive to people I actually like and are closer too cos apparently I don't like touching people I don't really know or them touching me cos just NO.) I don't know whether is it because of the Mid Sem Tests that I'm sensing this gloominess... Look at all the emotional posts on twitter. EVERYWHERE. Now I also sad. (Maybe that's because I just watched Love Potent and Yeol and his injured hand and his red glowing ring and his tearful confession was just such a tear-jerker. Watching the OST mv makes me sad already WHY DOES YEOL ACT SO WELL WHY. TELL ME. )

I cannot differentiate being awake or asleep anymore... Studying makes me sleepy. Okay no, I'm sleepy at random times. Not exactly feeling stressed currently. More nervous I guess haha. I need to go running tomorrow so my brain can get extra pumps of blood and I might (hopefully) study better without falling asleep and having ink marks stained on my face.

Beautiful Mistake

Its been such a long while.
It took me by surprise.

I spotted your silhouette.
I spotted that familiar face.
In the hustle and bustle, I was afraid I had long forgotten.

But no.

This pleasant feeling.
I hope it doesn't go away.

WOW TUMBLR HOW DO YOU READ ME SO PERFECTLY

reasons i tend to not talk

• people always interrupt me to tell another story because apparently my story isn’t good enough for their ears
• i sound like an idiot who just learned to talk two hours ago
• people seem disinterested in what i’m saying
• i hate my voice
• i have something really mean to say
• i hate you
• i repeat because this happens a lot: people interrupt me and never let me finish and i feel really shitty about myself because no one seems to want to listen to me

Random shit before I start serious work

My love for pop punk has never ceased.

http://twoblokesandafuckloadofcutlery.tumblr.com/post/37472792308/so-i-accidentally-started-playing-25-different-pop

You brilliant person. You just brightened my world. It was indeed a beautiful mistake.



I want to have a pet to stare at while lying down in this position. Then it yelps happily and runs and lies beside me. My definition of happiness is really simple. Just that. Listening to music lying down in that position. This cold weather is perfect to snuggle with your pet. Cos they're so warm you feel the feeling of warmth engulf your heart and its like it doesn't feel empty and cold anymore.

Sometimes I feel so restrained. Twitter is not a place to rant anymore cos people are just like Eww annoying and *unfollows* Anyway I kind of created twitter in a heated moment now I guess its not the best place to be when there's so much drama going on. Tumblr is always the best place to be.

Gotta start with Microecons. Now its just 50 shades of dark circles under my eyes and a night of pop punk that awaits.

Just a nobody

“It’s not because I have many enemies, I just have no one on my side.”

—	Zico - Dead Leaves Zico, as always the lyrical genius.

Its like sometimes when I'm talking I feel like no one's listening. Sometimes I pause halfway, to see if anyone's really listening. But most times its actually a habit when I pause halfway while saying something. Because I've done it so many times before I don't even realise when I'm doing it. I just fade into the background and cease to exist in the conversation. 

I know its hard to take in some other person's opinion but shouldn't you at least try? I'm not asking you to follow what I suggest. Just at least take it into consideration.Give everyone a chance. The world does not revolve around you and yourself. Basically I'm sick and tired of always giving in that sometimes I just stop giving any suggestions cos basically its a waste of my energy and my time. I tried okay at least I tried but did you try to listen? NO. FUCKING NO.  

At this point of time everyone has some fault and I can't say I'm right all the time. Its really unfair when you are just like WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING AGAINST WHAT I SAY. The point is I'm just trying to point out something that you might have missed out or not considered. Its not nice to drag in your personal feelings I must say. 

I just feel everyone in this world deserves to be treated nicely. Well even though we might have people we do not see eye to eye with, they also should be treated right and not trampled over by your so-called mighty self-confidence. Learn your lesson now before its too late.

I guess what I can do now I just pity you. For living in your own fantastic little world and smashing your way around blindly in reality.