LOSER

Today was just pretty bad. Mainly because of results I guess. I kind of expected myself to get horrible results since my results before finals weren't even good to begin with. My GPA dropped like crazy and what can I say. (WHAT A LOSER OMG WHAT A LOSERRRR)
I didn't feel like real sad or anything but I guess I am disappointed with how I fared. I need to try harder. Hopefully trying harder helps because that is the only way I know to maybe enable me to have a chance to pull up my grades. I feel like a loser telling myself if I scored like 3.7 like next semester my GPA would rise like by a lot so I don't have to be sad this time round. Maybe being sad might actually be better since I'll be more motivated. What have I done to myself... I can't even remember the day I stopped caring anymore.

Basically the second half of the day was CCA. I think I lost like maybe 5 years off my lifespan when the conductor wanted to play Pirates of the Carribean and I TOTALLY WAS SUPER UNFAMILIAR WITH THAT SONG. Both Joey and I panicked and we were like having anxiety attacks since there weren't any woodwind people around THAT MEANS WE HAD TO PLAY SOLO. Ahh but luckily everyone came before the conductor threw his baton at us so PHEWWW. So stressed out for concert since I'm kind of foggy with most of the songs since I haven't touched music scores in a long while and I'm still confused with the fingerings. I guess maybe like 50% of the way I'm smoking my way through the song but that is because I really can't blow any shit. Wtf sometimes an enormous sound blasts out and sometimes no sound comes out. Its super frustrating when I actually know the fingerings but I blow and nothing comes out. Sometimes I feel like breaking my instument into half because it is so difficult. I know its something about my posture but I've tried like a hundred different ways and sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn't. I bet all the percussion people are like this girl seriously. Don't know how to play also come for concert take the credit. But heyyy excuse me how much time did we have to learn the songs and we weren't even planning to go for this concert but later the main comm people not happy then ... ): Sighhh we're having the full run tomorrow so I don't know anymore. People can say whatever they want and as long as I try to blow but no sound comes out I don't care anymore because well I can't do anything right.