I feel like nobody cares

Basic outline of the day is just work. Seriously my kneecaps hurt like shit after standing for hours straight for so many days. Although I'm just standing there and slacking around and money just kachinks by the hour, it's really physically exhausting... not to mention boring. I don't have data connection and so I can't even check whatsapp and talk shit with anyone just to pass those gruesome hours. First 4 hours I was asked by the manager to count the human traffic. WORST 4 HOURS OMG I ALMOST DIED OF BOREDOM. Just stood there and talked to the security uncle for super long to pass time. Confirm cannot meet sales target at the rate of the crowd coming in. There were loads of curious Chinese tourists from china that kept going inside and outside then I was like super confused and the children kept walking in and out Ughhh. After that thankfully I got put back into cashiering and it was still pathetic thinking about how many customers I served. 

Feeling so troubled now and I don't even know why. Maybe I just need to sort out my thoughts. Feeling kind of depressed nobody has the time or wants to go with me to get infinite merchandise. I seriously super sad la everyday I like loner like that birthday that day my mum forget about my dinner time then I had to eat alone. Okay it's like a permanant scar on my heart I will remember it forever. *sad music plays*

Did some random stalking on Facebook and twitter just now. Then I realised how much people I once knew very well all had their lives in order in stuff and that just got me thinking. What was I doing with my life? I was living without any specific aim. It's not like my life is falling apart and things are going against my favour but personally I feel that being stuck in the middle sucks even more. My whole life I have been like that. Neither here nor there. Failing to meet the mark EVERY SINGLE TIME by just that little bit. At least if my life was falling apart my aim would be to fix it. But being neither here nor there no matter how much effort I put in.... Is my life a fucking joke or something. Thinking about it I don't know what emotions I should be experiencing.Or am I just totally lacking in emotion. Totally at a loss of words at how my life is being joked with. 

Been putting Block B's Be the light on replay nowadays. I just have this emotional connection with the song somehow. The lyrics relate to me. I cannot literally describe it but it's just this feeling I have about the song that makes me like it so much. And how zico is the one that is SINGING my favourite part like omggg everyone was spazzing over how he sings but he sang in Movie's over too and that was my favourite song in the previous album so hmmmmm see the link? I sometimes get surprised at the similarities things I like have in common together. Like how the songs I like and never get tired listening to are mostly having happy melodies but the lyrics are sad. AND USUALLY I JUST LISTEN TO A SONG ONCE AND DECIDE WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT. I don't even notice the lyrics. And how ALL my biases happen to be above 180cm or around that height and are Virgos. It's so creepy and weird I can't even comprehend this coincidence. Maybe deep inside i am already computerised in a way to like certain things.

Looking at the time now I should sleep since tmr I'm working at 10am and have to wake up at 8am. I hope I don't fall sick with this crazy sleeping schedule I have. Till then. 

I usually don't post photos cos my phone sucks and taking photos and posting them here is truly a hassle. Maybe some of them will be on Instagram haha. Therefore my posts are like freaking boring.

Anyway nobody really cares. So it's okay.