Don't mind me.

How could you even say that. Being in this really sick condition, I had to go see a doctor right? I'm not even using your money because I know if I claim money from you, you would be even more burdened. Saying that I went to see the doctor just to get an mc off work today. Implying that I didn't even need to see a doctor? After 3 days of sleepless nights, do you not see the heavy eye circles under my eyes or sense the exhaust in my voice. Haven't you heard me coughing practically every single minute. I want to hold back the cough, because I don't want to annoy anyone with this constant coughing. But do you think it's so easy? Sometimes I have coughing fits until tears roll out my eyes and I start to gag. 

Do you even know why I still work? Having money in my account keeps me at ease, times like this at least I can pay for myself and I can save the trouble of asking you. Sometimes working and coming home to darkness and all of you are tucked in bed, I feel more at ease this way. At least I don't have to hear this nagging. Sometimes I don't even think its nagging anymore. It's something worse. Something that just fills my head up with bad thoughts. Those bad thoughts that I keep trying to get rid of. 

Blaming me for something I never did. It's not the first time anyway. Just because I wasn't the very best child when I was young means everything is my fault. I fought hard to make you proud. I studied hard. But did I ever get any recognition? I guess not. After all I'm supposed to do it. Its my responsibility. Now I know better. Looking at the past, everything I did was for myself. I live for myself, not for anyone else.

 I still remember kneeling on the floor for four straight hours in "repentance" for something I hadn't done. Nobody pitied me, I just pitied myself, for being at a total loss for words when you slammed the blame on me. No evidence, nothing. Assumptions. Sometimes I question the reason for my existence. To be your punching bag? I guess so.

Nobody really cares. Feelings? I wish I could throw them away.