Feeling super lethargic every single day. Somedays I sleep a lot and I feel more lethargic than ever. It doesn't even help okay. Sleeping more does not make you more awake. Coffee does. And that's my rationale for sleeping less than the stipulated 8 hours a day. Basically because I have loads of work to do and procrastinate a lot. I can't even not procrastinate. This is very bad. Maybe I need to get therapy ):
Thus far, it has been a very stressed semester. The past 4 weeks I don't even know what I'm doing. Even though problem based learning has been drilled into my head. I still kind of think it's useless cos we need to get the concepts right after we apply it right? Furthermore if we do PBL I have no idea why the teachers are even there like they just facilitate you like wtf whenever I ask something you just ask me back the same thing like then what's the point of me asking you. Then the criminal law tutor it's like wtf are you teaching and I don't even know when she is in school cos she's an adjunct tutor. Its not that I have issues with adjunct tutors it's just that they are really hard to get into contact with sometimes. Everyone is telling me PBL is useful but frankly I've got to see. I know that if your concepts are strong and stuff you can go through all that learning and applying of concepts but the problem is I suck at stuff like this and need lectures and someone to drill it into my head. Maybe I'm just not using my resources wisely but I'm just not that type of person to keep asking questions cos I don't like troubling others even though I don't mind people asking me.
I think the reason for me getting sick is cos of all this stress. My immunity is already like kind of bad and wow this year I've gotten really sick for really long and even like to the extent of visiting the hospital even the people around me are like meh. It's kind of sad people just classify you as the one that always gets sick and it isn't even something I can control.
People are asking me to stop working but my answer is still no cos working allows me to temporarily forget I have all these piles of work waiting for me to read. It's like a hobby. Wow I think now people think I'm weird but I work to forget I actually have to read this 100plus pages of tort law and apply it to problems like woah that's a lot to do. Not to mention I have to review like 10cases for my criminal law tutorial and put in a PowerPoint so everyone can understand and being in the last group all the expectations are set up there and I can't fall below expectations because look at your peers they all did such a great job and you have to be like them.
I really dislike this aspect of people when they keep feeling inferior. Well how do I explain this... It's like for example they feel they are always worse off than others then try to gain sympathy(?) frankly I don't really know why they do it. Everyone one is worse off in a way compared to others. Like a rich person is obviously better off wealth wise but is this rich person as happy as a poor person? All of us balance off each other some way or another. This is why we need to help each other. There is no point arguing about why my life is worse off than you because we are different in ways and the pain we feel inside is different. After all the pain is only something we ourselves can feel and others can't so there is no point in comparing. This is so complicated I really don't know how to explain it without offending people. I don't understand why people like look at you and say woah your life is so much better off than mine when in fact if you look at me in depth i am actually not such a perfect person so please don't underestimate the troubles and turmoils i am experiencing. I've had numerous traumatising experiences since young of being like lost and left alone and sometimes injured to the extent that I can't remember some of those memories but when I go to a certain place I suddenly remember and actually I feel very dreadful inside. Being sick so often also makes me very dreadful of people coughing on me and I hope people don't misunderstand my intentions when I react in certain ways because I have circumstances like I have a weak immune system and really dislike being sick because dying of sickness is something I really dislike even to the extent hate cos of certain reasons. It may be a little extreme of me describing things this way but it's human nature so yeah that explains it. This is why I hope people can be more confident of themselves and compare themselves in a positive light and not belittle themselves. Perhaps like that we would be more happy individuals.
Blogging is like writing a diary it really just organises what you feel and vents all that frustration since I don't really like venting to others. Woah after this I should really start on work. Feeling motivated to do stuff today. I can feel the fever coming so I should get work done quickly before the fever affects my concentration. Struggling but I can do this. 👌💪 Gonna skip dinner cos this flu just destroyed all my appetite.
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